Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML
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Top comments
Joey44 15
Yeah, it really is a good thing you let that ship sail and didn't hook up with him again... oh wait.
windfuelsfire 10
In a nutshell, he jizzed in his pants, rolled you off the bed and then marked you as his territory
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Comments (98)
Dodie__fml 2
Seems slutty....
peptidoglycan 4
Why?
Feedmyaddiction5 14
Wow good thing you passed him up
gasbandit 2
From his point of view: Doesn't matter had sex.
gojira666 7
That dude really sucks at life
bizarre_ftw 22
33 - depends on how you define sex :/
Jennyboo5797 4
But I cried the whole time! Doesn't matter had sex!
ohmandapants 17
She didn't pass him up. She agreed to sleep with him. He just finished before they started.
irollup 4
At least he pushed you out of bed, before he wet the bed..
taytay6510 6
she put a bag on my head, STILL COUNTS ;)
Joey44 15
Yeah, it really is a good thing you let that ship sail and didn't hook up with him again... oh wait.
hemz_fml 13
That's how you treat an old friend, that's a bitch move
izvakutzklipx 2
Baddapadapa!
ntherewas1 11
Are you sure he didn't do all these thing on purpose? One incident in isolation may be an accident, but with all these douchey expound problems he really seems to dislike you...
ankoku 2
At least he pushed her off the bed before pissing all over it give the guy some credit!
purplegold 19
Hahahahhahaha took the words right out of my brain
jonnied23 20
Better you learned that now, rather than llater
Marcella1016 32
Silver spring md Donnie? me too!
Marcella1016 32
*jonnie
docscientist 10
It sounds more like OP learned "later."
windfuelsfire 10
In a nutshell, he jizzed in his pants, rolled you off the bed and then marked you as his territory
jayAZ 3
Ha!
windfuelsfire 10
She slept in it I'm pretty sure marking is to leave a smell...a bad one.. Thats on her
Miss_Michaela 10
Complicated history? If it wasn't that complicated before, it bloody well is now.
bones_17 5
All I got to say is pathetic :p
Mister_Triangle 21
Am I the only one thinking about it from his perspective? He's probably loved the OP since the day they met, and the excitement of the moment made him fire too soon. Stressed out by failing his dream girl, he was unable to sleep well and became restless; resulting in him flailing about unconsciously and wetting the bed. Now he'll be ashamed of this moment forever and endlessly ridiculed by the faceless people of the interwebs.
DerekBlaskie 6
I applaud you 84 for reading waaay to into this haha. Good effort but that's a stretch..
ndhin831 2
Shouldn't he be the one writing to FML?
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Nah, today was laundry day for him anyway.
bizarre_ftw 22
Too bad they were at her house :)
WCARlover 35
You must be friends with my ex?
kkmwong 11
That must have turned you on so much.
bengermin 5
Some people have a thing for diapers... apparently that guy needs to.