Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Joey44 15
Yeah, it really is a good thing you let that ship sail and didn't hook up with him again... oh wait.
windfuelsfire 10
In a nutshell, he jizzed in his pants, rolled you off the bed and then marked you as his territory
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (98)
UR1FatBastard 0
Wow!!! He's a bit of a mess! Don't ya think?
ashleymwall 6
that really sucks... wow.
UR1FatBastard 0
I said you deserved it because you should have let that ship keep on sailing. Instead you climbed aboard for a short ride that left you unsatisfied, (came in his pants... I thought only teenagers did that), knocked you out of bed, and then pissed onto your bed. Should've turned him away at the door. Should've said, "No nightcap... Sorry!!!"
my2centsworth 15
And then you booked the reunion cruise?
fashionistaGirll 0
Oh
AlexRen 21
he's like a eight year old in a growns man body:o
TheRevSev 10
Further proof that somethings you just have to let go
SwiftFaux 0
How do you meet an old friend?
Poetaster 10
Two thumbs up on kicking him to the curb... Three down for hooking back up.. It's official .. Your a dumb ass
Meeranduhhh 3
Haha wow good for you