Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML
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Top comments
Joey44 15
Yeah, it really is a good thing you let that ship sail and didn't hook up with him again... oh wait.
windfuelsfire 10
In a nutshell, he jizzed in his pants, rolled you off the bed and then marked you as his territory
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Comments (98)
MrsAgony 6
Omg hahahahahahahah
eftup 9
Good thing you ****** him!
Nanner789 0
We're supposed to learn from our mistakes, not repeat them. (:
steviesnm 6
Aye, ghetto ass... Pirate? Learn to use grammar and spelling.
perdix 31
I'll bet your glad that he came and went.
ikickgingers 15
^^you're
perdix 31
*you're
cole86 0
He killed you perdix.! First time I've ever seen that happen.
perdix 31
Oops. DP. Sorry
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Double penetration... Wait, what
perdix 31
Good catch! I was kind of apologizing for a *D*ouble *P*ost, butt I thought it would be fun if someone ass clued up ass you took my double connotation ;) heh-heh
MarioDragon 14
You that desperate...
Nuahavizu 17
Sounds like a real keeper o.o
cheerupdude 0
cocaine is a helluva drug
loserman67 36
"You let the ship sail"? Sounds to me like the ship did a "U"-turn and wound up back in port with you waving the lantern, guiding him into dock. If this guy was (actually is) such a loser, why did you get hooked back up in the first place? Were you hoping he'd grown up over time? Or were you just longing for the repeated sensation of a guy with underwear full of tepid baby batter, sleeping on the floor and the thrill of buying a new mattress since this one is now pee'd all over. I guess your masochistic tendencies overrode your intelligence. Think first, hump later next time
kiara20 8
Who says he was a loser when she used to know him? He might have been quite the catch. How was she to know he has turned into a 3 second man that pee's the bed? Now if she goes back after this then there's a problem.