Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML
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Top comments
Joey44 15
Yeah, it really is a good thing you let that ship sail and didn't hook up with him again... oh wait.
windfuelsfire 10
In a nutshell, he jizzed in his pants, rolled you off the bed and then marked you as his territory
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Comments (98)
bigbubbamike 0
that ship sailed down a warm golden river
every1luvsboners 11
This is why I always wear a chip clip on my penis. Sometimes you can't control that little bastard; it has a mind of it's own. Just buy him one and you'll be fine.
UbeenKAKed 0
Haha. Thats funny as shit.
angrymexican 8
"little" bastard made me laugh
vipirius 18
ydi for f**king him in the first place. I mean are you really that stupid ane unreasonable?
FML_LOL_439 4
#15- wtf, there was nothing wrong with what op did. It's not like they tried to force one another.
helterskeltersmi 0
Are you retarded? Or just a giant asshole? Either way, shut the **** up
ReynshineCutting 10
Well having sex with random people is pretty damn whorish. Hopefully OP will grow out of that stage fairly soon. This might be her wake up call.
ergo_sum 8
Alla gillar svenska killer ;)
DeathBunny218 37
I don't really see how she deserved this, i'd say F his life more though.
TipOfTheHat 10
Are you sure you want that ship to sail? He should be on the winning tour with charlie sheen!
copy125 0
Wow, you should really get some self respect, clearly you can do better.
NoNotTheFace 8
It would be funnier if he blamed you for everything when we woke up. You peed on the bed? GROSS. And you didn't want to sleep on your own pee so you slept on the floor. But you didn't give a SHIT ABOUT ME WALLOWING IN YOUR URINE???
NoNotTheFace 8
*When HE woke up. What a bitch of a mistake. Unless... we had a threesome but I was too shitfaced to remember. But that's impossible because no way in **** am I spending $700 for a one way ticket to Sweden.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Ha! It cost me $860 for two round trips back home to Vegas.
soccerphanatic 1
Ha he wins! If you aint first your last
brownchair 5
sounds like a keeper.