Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML
Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML
Today, I made up a lie to my girlfriend so I could go to a club with my friends. My girlfriend told me that she was going to stay in and watch a movie. Guess who I shockingly ran into at the club, with her girlfriends? FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML
Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Today, I attended a party, thinking it was hosted by my friend. I showed up, mingled, had some drinks, and even played a couple of games. After about an hour, my friend called me and asked where I was. I'd crashed the wrong party. Everyone there was nice about it, but now I can never show my face there again. FML
Today, my Mom was gushing to a relative about going to see a very famous singer with my sister while we were at dinner. I smiled politely, until the relative asked why I wasn’t going. I felt too embarrassed to admit I hadn’t been asked, despite having the money, so I awkwardly made something up. FML
Today, I found myself lying to my diary. FML
Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML
Today, at a party, I tried to play it cool by pretending to know all the lyrics to a song, but ended up singing the wrong words and embarrassing myself. FML
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Top comments
EverestMelting 23
Hey at least you are a committed parent! That's what you should be proud of rather than disgracing it with a lie! Be proud of your efforts!
JACKxRAWR 22
The kiddie rave scene is pretty hardcore though
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Comments (57)
NotGabe 28
Aww yeah, turnt up at Weenie Hut Jr.
paigexox0 37
Gettin hella drunk with my main bitch chucky cheese
babygurll19 10
Chuck E. Cheese* is not a bitch
Barlucic 5
You forgot the extra "Bitch"
DaMann360 19
*Super Weenie Hut Jr. #12
BootheGhost 6
Livin like Larry.
Mynamewontfi 40
How is "getting wasted" considered cool? Sure, I've been drunk several times, but never to the point that I don't know what I'm doing at that.time. I see no fun or coolness (pretty sure thats no word) in that.
purebliss_fml 19
if they're a true friend they aren't going to care about whether you have a busy social life or not. Being a great parent is much more admirable anyway. I'm 22 with a kid and totally uninterested in clubs... a night out ends up costing too much anyway. Much rather be at home with my little family!
Mynamewontfi 40
Commited parents are cool, OP, don't worry.
highjesus 6
you're a nice mother spending time with your children is very important, you can start getting drunk and partying when they are teengers :)
HeyTherexxx 21
I would always have to beg my mom to even step foot in some place like that. You're a good mom, OP. Take pride in that. :)
worldclassrager 41
Living like Katy Perry is not the best thing...
every1luvsboners 11
Last time I went to a children's play group I came home with my 2nd and 15th constitutional amendments annulled, a felony and I have to register at this state website every so often. Consider yourself lucky.
gc327072 31
One minute you're having fun, next minute the FBI party can has to come and ruin everything.
Perry85 42
That's shit isn't funny....and if that IS true why the **** would you post it here?
Kristoffer 35
You ain't gotta lie to kick it.
Enslaved 38
I would have thought you were cool by being a great parent for taking your kids to that play group. I know way too many parents that aren't involved with their kids and just keep they plopped in front of a TV screen.