Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He told me his wife had filed for divorce this morning (I had no idea he had ever been married) and then he sent me the e-receipt for my nachos along with his Venmo handle. FML
Today, I went on my first date since my husband passed six years ago. My date’s ex-wife happened to be at the restaurant he picked, and he confessed he expected her to be there. Without missing a beat, I told him that’s a perk of dating a widow, never running into the ex. Evidently a bit too dark for him. FML
Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML
Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML
Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML
Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
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Top comments
reeses1981 10
Next!
91hayek 31
I think you've been out of the game long enough that your douche radar is a bit off. Just re-calibrate and pick better guys, not that bottom of the barrel ass clown.
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Comments (91)
cjwayy 22
Favorite position: CEO. I see what you did there, OP.
DemosthenesMB 13
Don't worry OP; there are plenty of guys out there that would love to date you who AREN'T assholes.
DemosthenesMB 13
Or how about, "Not with you."
ZombieSazza 34
Well at least you found out immediately he just wanted sex, nothing worse than going on a few dates and hearing them proclaim "c'mon that's 4 dates now, are we gonna ****?"
Binglebeee 16
He sounds like he's from the internet -_-" honestly. 'men' these days have no class
lulinator 40
Keep on trying! I went through many jerks like that after my divorced before I found someone nice. They're not all assholes.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Your response should've been "NOT WITH YOU."
Scotticus117 11
Asking the important questions I see! He's a keeper.
mybubbles2000 13
So what was your answer?
squarecircles 13
Respond with,"None. I don't do that kind of thing."