Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He told me his wife had filed for divorce this morning (I had no idea he had ever been married) and then he sent me the e-receipt for my nachos along with his Venmo handle. FML
Today, I went on my first date since my husband passed six years ago. My date’s ex-wife happened to be at the restaurant he picked, and he confessed he expected her to be there. Without missing a beat, I told him that’s a perk of dating a widow, never running into the ex. Evidently a bit too dark for him. FML
Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML
Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML
Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML
Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
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Top comments
reeses1981 10
Next!
91hayek 31
I think you've been out of the game long enough that your douche radar is a bit off. Just re-calibrate and pick better guys, not that bottom of the barrel ass clown.
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Comments (91)
CandyPewPewPew 29
Tell him that you have a dick. And you would like to penetrate him in every holes, even in his nose. Now, you wont have to see him ever again.
ElloSubjects 9
And then he says "Wow! Let's do this now!' :p
_G0D_ 9
Yeah! Lets do it #15!
nyes 17
I think OP does have a dick since it shows a male icon
worldclassrager 41
That's to fast just trying to use you
Enslaved 38
"Doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"
graphicstyle7 17
Just keep dating, keep at it. I got to be single at the ripe old age of 45, and I thought I would not date much. I got on some online dating services and had a lot of fun dating casually (that means DATES, not sex), dating several guys and Not Taking It Too Seriously or looking Too Hard for a replacement mate. I found my husband and we are very happy, but it did take a while. Be patient, go on to the next one and just hang out with different people. You may be a bit different single person now than you were before, get to know what you do and don't like. Good luck.
shujaswati 20
what kinda cloths were wearing :/
SouthernLady12 13
Valid point! She could have been dressed very revealing making him think she was that kind of woman.
gracehi 33
Yes, women communicate their desire to copulate with their clothing, therefore revealing clothing is a perfectly valid reason to assume that she's planning to **** you the moment you meet her. Is that the logic here?
RedPillSucks 33
1935, apparently
oooohmygosh 8
He's obviously only interested in one thing, but at least you figured that out on the first date. Good luck, and keep looking!!!
Shandra78 9
Welcome to the modern dating game! I think guys who actually want a second date before age 40 need a dose of charm school. The level of male cluelessness in my generation baffles my grandmother. Maybe she's seeing the past through 'rose coloured glasses' but she says guys were a bit more aware of what not to say on a first date. And yeah, most people actually did date and have sex before marriage back then. Condoms already existed even if hormonal birth control hadn't been invented yet.
redskevin88 4
That's so wrong! The guy is showing bad behavior!
gracehi 33
You don't say!
JuzReading 23
He certainly doesn't waste any time.
fatkidfalling 11
At you will have sex???