Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He told me his wife had filed for divorce this morning (I had no idea he had ever been married) and then he sent me the e-receipt for my nachos along with his Venmo handle. FML
Today, I went on my first date since my husband passed six years ago. My date’s ex-wife happened to be at the restaurant he picked, and he confessed he expected her to be there. Without missing a beat, I told him that’s a perk of dating a widow, never running into the ex. Evidently a bit too dark for him. FML
Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML
Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML
Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML
Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
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Top comments
reeses1981 10
Next!
91hayek 31
I think you've been out of the game long enough that your douche radar is a bit off. Just re-calibrate and pick better guys, not that bottom of the barrel ass clown.
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Comments (91)
thew_fml 14
so - what is it?
skittyskatbrat 19
Oh, wow, I would have SO much fun with that. Especially if he was trapped in a car with me.... Time to have an in-depth whiny drawn-out complaint about Menstrual Cycles, how badly pads fit, leaking, knock-offs, cramps, "did you know that (brand name) takes out blood really well?" and anything else you can say about it that makes him squirm. He's going to talk about something utterly inappropriate? Join the game! :D And if he says anything? "Well, you wanted to talk about sex positions at the start of a first date, so I figured that you had no problem with whatever I'd say, either." Should he make it through that intact or semi-intact, start talking about mucous production, booger coloration, make up a hobby of collecting toenails, you name it. Give him a lesson he'll never forget and a memory that makes you laugh every damn time you think of it.
gracehi 33
It's amazing how many men I've met who have no qualms with talking about women and sex openly and graphically, until menstruation comes up. Then all of a sudden they're all bashful. A true mark of immaturity.
RedPillSucks 33
I don't think you want to be trapped anywhere with a jerk. A public place is fine to mentally jerk him around, but otherwise just drop him and leave. Some jerks become worse than that if they think they're in a position to trap you.
MisterEx 28
Was he behaving strangely, breathing deeply, then eventually sighted happily while his hand under the table?
vikky538 29
sorry OP... that's not a good start for neither a date nor for a conversation...
sexyboi1985 27
He should have taken it slow !! Sorry OP, better luck with the next one !!
Omniprism 15
What a jerk. Don't let it deter you. There's nice guys out there. Better luck next time.
ELoni_fml 25
Welcome back!
ladybugz23 13
say See ya later bye
Jst4kicks 16
Welcome to the dating world lol. you'll meet weirdos but sooner or later a nice bro will appear
Frungy 9
Look at it this way, at least he saved you time. Imagine how much worse it would have been if he'd wasted an entire evening before revealing his true colours.