Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML
Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML
Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML
Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
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Top comments
flirtyfaery 7
at least she has a sense of humour
Doortje 30
This is the story you'll later tell your grandchildr-- wait, you have to actually have sex in order to ever have grandchildren.
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Comments (94)
stevenmx86 8
Since when is a clapper romantic? Where do people get these stupid notions?
KaPeSh87 0
I was just thinking the same thing! I don't know how it took so long for someone to comment this... a Clapper? Really? What'd he get her for her birthday, a sexy bag of Cheetos?
MissSarcastic 3
How hard is it to figure out how they made that sound? XD You know!! It's the sex noise. Haha But that's funny(:
ImaginaryFoe 1
"The" sex noise? There are several. And if you meant the noise of the actual intercourse, you need to try some lube. Insertion should not sound like clapping.
MissSarcastic 3
In order to clap you need to smack some skin together, like with your hands. So when you have sex you are smacking some skin together, and thus you get the clapping noise :) haha
bobkim302 0
#8 I totally agree. It doesn't matter it's your "new wife". I wonder what happened to the old wife?
RedPillSucks 33
YDI for thinking "Installing a clapper" was romantic. YDI for stopping, just because she was laughing. I'd take that as a challenge.
jfarrow9703 11
Its the slapper, the nut slapper ha ha
goober426 7
what an awesome memory!
hoghunter 1
they don't warn you about that in the commercials
maxtheman 0
Clap clap clap turned into flap flap flap
Ninjafriends 1
When it's barely doing it for you in the first place I guess it's easy to fall out of the mood.
Lykin 0
I saw this one before in a Cosmo magazine.