Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML
Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML
Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML
Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
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Top comments
flirtyfaery 7
at least she has a sense of humour
Doortje 30
This is the story you'll later tell your grandchildr-- wait, you have to actually have sex in order to ever have grandchildren.
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Comments (94)
Ninjafriends 1
Tape your balls to your leg.
perdix 31
Usually one just moans when one is receiving an awesome *******. You don't need to give her a standing ovation. Hopefully, she's not going to give you the Clap.
RedPillSucks 33
It's the sound of his dick on the insides of her cheeks.
TibbysMusic 1
39, take a joke. on the other hand, it made me lawl. (:
ks0300 0
47, take your own advice.
pinkkCuteee 0
hahaaa ^
angrybeaver77 0
Ever heard of unplugging it?
SharkyShark 5
Aw..turn that angrybeaver into a happy one with some ***********.
brootalxkeni 0
lmfao >__<
mike3775 39
Thats hilarious, but seriously, if you gave up over that, maybe you should leave it unplugged from now on.
thecovert 7
Clapper + romantic = fail.
dt520 4
haha awesome girlfriend
jpest17 5
wife.
Terezi 0
I really hope the clapping sound didn't come from you guys being horribly fat... That sound is how I always knew when my parents were in the middle of something. -shudder-
flirtyfaery 7
bahahaha!!! ew!
Zebidee 9
That's completely frickin' hilarious. At least your wife has a good sense of humour. Frankly though, YDI for thinking a light clapper is romantic. Were they all out of lava lamps?
Kar98 6
*picturing balls slapping against her taint noisily, repeatedly*
perdix 31
*picturing a fat, pasty, hairy belly slapping into fat, cottage-cheese thighs* *penis inverting and testicles sucking up into body cavity thinking of such disgusting visual*
RedPillSucks 33
*picturing vomiting the rest of my pizza dinner*
perdix 31
You put cottage cheese and hair on your pizza? I think I'm going to throw up now. . .
Zebidee 9
Nah, he's vomiting because the pizza arrived cold because the delivery guy's car had no heater.
ArthursLifeSucks 2
Hahahaha, good cameo of another FML.