Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, our landlord came over to chop down our cherished apple tree. While doing so, he ate one of the apples, concurring that they really did taste excellent. FML
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML
Today, I told my parents that I was planning a garden for my house. My child of a mother got upset and jealous, because, "When you were younger, you hated working outside with us." Sorry for maturing and developing new interests in the past 30 years, I guess. FML
Today, I took my grandmother shopping and insisted on carrying everything myself. Halfway across the parking lot, one bag ripped open and 6 oranges rolled in different directions. Watching 3 strangers chase fruit while my grandmother laughed harder than I've ever seen was somehow both wholesome and humiliating. FML
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Top comments
tsim_fml 0
Your dads the shit.
hollyman 0
Hahahhahaha owed by your father!!!!!!!!
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Comments (259)
mandi4murphy 0
Is your dad 3 years old? Lmao
worldcupcheer17 0
are you 3 years old?
chaoticnh 0
If he was a 3 year old, he'd be the most badass 3 year old out there
fatraptorjesus13 9
yeah...11 you look about 5 or 6
veritasdgg 0
108 - i am
KrazyLove56 4
that's mean
babyvi 6
i want a dad like yours.
skyorpia101 4
Ahhhh one wishes :)
ACM1991 9
Ask ur dad what's wrong with him
HannahForbesxo 13
Should take a leaf out of his fathers book more like.
skylerXx 6
May I ask what is wrong with you?
ACM1991 9
No u may not
marlee9 4
Hahahaha peg your dad with apples!
lindseyluvszac 4
That's when you quickly point out your dad sneaking away with the stolen peas.
bankrupt 15
Exactly right, No. 16. Why should the OP take the blame for her father, the thief? Even worse is the fact that he was laughing at the OP for taking the heat for his crime. What a piece of shit.
mr_inkredible 0
well I you point your dad out, you can't have any free peas. assuming he shares them
Halcyon3210 6
Get mad! Burn her house down! With the apples! Get your engineers to invent a combustible apple that burns her house down!
ReptarSwag 4
ur a dumbass
Halcyon3210 6
Teehee!
mk58 31
30, You're awesome for not taking a ********'s comment to heart.
Halcyon3210 6
Thanks! I try not to take the internet too seriously. :)
moviefreakXD 0
how do u burn someones house down with apples XD
iTransform 8
Or you can drench them in lighter fluid, put a match to them, and throw them through her windows while blasting "The Roof is on Fire"
CookieM_fml 4
I wish I had ur dad
skylerXx 6
I wish I had your cookie :P
CookieM_fml 4
I wish I ha you ;) Jks jks im not single :P
drealmorales 2
I can see daddy issues, in the future.
Bizzzy 5
shoulda taken those apples too!
b1gphil 6
Haha i wish my dad was that cool :P