Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, our landlord came over to chop down our cherished apple tree. While doing so, he ate one of the apples, concurring that they really did taste excellent. FML
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML
Today, I told my parents that I was planning a garden for my house. My child of a mother got upset and jealous, because, "When you were younger, you hated working outside with us." Sorry for maturing and developing new interests in the past 30 years, I guess. FML
Today, I took my grandmother shopping and insisted on carrying everything myself. Halfway across the parking lot, one bag ripped open and 6 oranges rolled in different directions. Watching 3 strangers chase fruit while my grandmother laughed harder than I've ever seen was somehow both wholesome and humiliating. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tsim_fml 0
Your dads the shit.
hollyman 0
Hahahhahaha owed by your father!!!!!!!!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (259)
britt93 7
I'm sorry, this story sounds fake to me, its just too set-up.
DawnMarie11 0
When your neighbor throws you apples make apple pie!?! Lmao this is hilarious!
annihil8or 15
Get a gun that fires coconuts and aim @ her house, she'll have plenty of dents to fix
KatyB_fml 0
haha.. I picture Peter in Family Guy.. sneaking away with his infamous giggle! This is hilarious!
anencephalic 14
Maybe OPs dad wanted to give peas a chance, eh?
Punkpoptart1119 20
#110: Wtf are you talking about?
xrainbowshadowx 17
Your dad is boss (:
briannac1 0
Your dad is a beast!
almathis1994 6
Isaac Newton really told you.
jellybellygirl 0
All I can imagine now is a grown man giggling as he silently tiptoes over back to his house. Bahaha, hilarious story. ;D