Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML
Today, I was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods in the nice cool weather, when a mountain biker came out of nowhere and tore past, barely missing me. As I counted my luck, another biker followed the first and crashed right into me. FML
Today, I got hit by a car while going out for a jog. As I writhed on the floor in pain, I heard the driver say, “Sorry!” and the sound of tires squealing. He’d sped off. I didn’t get a chance to get his license plate. FML
Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML
Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML
Today, I was riding down a hill on my bike, doing a wheelie, when I lost control and started heading towards a woman on the sidewalk. Don't worry, I didn't hit her, the man beside her lunged and shoved my bike so hard that I hit concrete and broke three teeth. He then screamed, "Watch it, punk!" and walked off. FML
Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML
Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jetsown08 21
Hey, at least he didn't threaten to sue afterwards.
TheDrifter 24
Oh bollocks. There goes your dream of repopulating the earth in your image this afternoon.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
FlyingPie 17
Which end of a bicycle is the "business end"?
olpally 33
Yes, yes I did... I also lit the beacon outside of my house on fire to let the world know I slept with cheryl teagues...(family guy-quagmire's true love)
lexi365 20
What's with all the assholes on bikes lately especially on FML?
outoftown 27
Assholes on bikes are trying to make their 2012 summer quota of mayhem.
perdix 31
The business end?!?!? Would you have preferred to be hit in the nuts by the party end? Are you confusing bikes with mullets? Your kids didn't die in the collision. If that worked, birth control would be greatly simplified -- for women, at least. If you had to take a nut shot to have sex, many guys would become celibate.
l23VIVE 17
Well maybe guys who have had sex before... What if said guy is into BDSM? I'd take a nut shot if it meant I'd get laid. But that's just me
perdix 31
#46, I dunno. I only got my first right-on-the-money nut shot a few years ago -- I almost vomited, and I couldn't think of sex for many hours after that. Previously, I had a few glancing blows to the happy sacks, but that does not prepare you for the full-blown ball-busting.
_Oblivion_ 12
My god, I'll bet every guy just squirmed reading that
Metallica36176 16
#41 - I love your choice of words for all of your posts. xD
l23VIVE 17
#51 Good God, my balls hurt from simply reading that...
IdleGear 0
Maybe he wad in a hurry to get help?
brian_b005 3
Or you have a better chance of producing a "special child"
l23VIVE 17
Oh good I forgot to make sure you did that too
perdix 31
#22, but it will take a hell of a long time. Karma will visit the cyclist in his next life. Without the OP's knowledge, he'll be reincarnated as a bug that gets squashed. Not a very satisfying outcome.
reject214 10
The business end? LOL.
Austyn57 1
what a bullbuster :/