Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML
Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to make me hold an unlit cigarette before FaceTiming my mom so he could prank her by saying, "He's got a new habit." My mom did not find it funny, especially when I mentioned to her that I did not willingly participate. Now I'm stuck in this car, listening to them argue. FML
Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
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Top comments
Sagan928 7
Can you talk to your mother about it? Erratic behavior can sometimes be a hint that there's a medical issue. Mid-life crisis is usually when men buy a sports car and start dating young women.
rhysfucker 24
I thought midlife crisis stuff was supposed to be fun, like fast cars and 23 year old co-eds, not taking up smoking and muttering like a crazy old man. Maybe he needs lessons.
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Comments (47)
NodakN8V 25
That escalated quickly
SouthernLady12 13
Lace his new addiction. That way at least you have a happy mid-life crisis dad.
cakefete2 31
Oh no, your dad has officially hit man-opause. It's all down hill from here. He's gonna get a red Corvette next. Don't say i didn't warn you OP.
pjsr 33
Your life rocks - that coughing fit was instant payback! HDI
mchmelev1993 10
Lol my dad got a benz when he hit his midlife crisis , try to get a ferrari out of your dad this could be a good thing !
living_in_chaos 8
From an outer perspective that's pretty ******* funny
graceinsheepwear 34
I agree with 4 that it could be a sign of a medical issue. I'd check in with his doctor.
worldclassrager 41
Looks like he needs a bit of help time for afamily meeting
menfearme 10
And parents bitch about teenagers acting stupid. Seriously, you'd think they'd call it 2nd puberty since he's acting like a spoiled 12 yr. old boy.
Beepbeep7 14
After dealing with all of the shit that comes with raising teenagers, people earn that midlife crisis. With some of the kids nowadays its surprising that it doesn't come sooner.
Asstarotte 7
Yeah sure he hasn't...