Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML
Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML
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Top comments
Keevarou 17
At least she accepts that you can ********** :) So you got a understanding mother, so intimacy would not be a problem, and she cares for you. I hope she got your tissues and lube anyway though, and get well. It sucks to dry up
SkoomaKi 28
You set yourself up for that. Ask for warm apple pie as well. If she gets the reference, enjoy the reaction.
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Comments (93)
reddudeover 2
She gets you a blow up doll to show you "sa'll good". :)
ICastillo 25
My mind is telling me no but, my body, my body is telling me Yes.
ICastillo 25
Is what you should have sang while your mom was giving the talk.
KiddNYC1O 22
Vice versa for me lol.
CanadianCutie22 16
haha that is funny but deffintley awkward
zoecw 14
Oh so you have one of THOSE moms..
Skittles_Rawr 8
Is it weird that the same thing happened to me the other day?
Jumpingmal2 7
I find it funny how his mom immediatly though it was for masturbating, not because he was sick. Cool mom OP :)
sumbum95 15
Hahahaha!! Be more specific next time.
Enslaved 38
Well than, if she feels that way, you should upgrade to KY and moist towelettes.(:
perdix 31
Such a modest upgrade. Now that he knows his mom is so cool, the next time she asks him if he needs anything, he ought to request a hooker -- a female one with all her own teeth. It's worth a shot.
TachiownsMangu 5
Mom: It's okay to feel good honey.. OP: but mom it's not like that! Mom: Sure it isn't hon. Just remember it's okay. Hell I still do it most of the time. It's just so frustrating when your father won't let me- OP: ..... O_o Awkwardness xD
al66orange 4
Why did you not just tell her before the twenty minute chat happened?