Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML
Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML
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Top comments
Keevarou 17
At least she accepts that you can ********** :) So you got a understanding mother, so intimacy would not be a problem, and she cares for you. I hope she got your tissues and lube anyway though, and get well. It sucks to dry up
SkoomaKi 28
You set yourself up for that. Ask for warm apple pie as well. If she gets the reference, enjoy the reaction.
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Comments (93)
vcapelo 19
Such things can be a bit weird to talk about but things went well right? So be happy and stop crying about it!
THE_A_TEEN 28
Except the fact that OP didn't get his/her lotion and tissues and will have to wait even longer to get those while he's suffering with his sickness.
jojimugo 20
You have a cool mum, mine would have broke out the bible If she thought I was doing that
telaier 2
Your life dont suck if you are a guy you can ********** in the next similar situation. please trust me :)
Skittlepickle 13
13 Amen
PistolWhiper93 0
Well, it was not what u expected, but at least u got a free lecture. ? ;) Troll lol lol lol!
CharliesCool2084 8
Surely she would have known why you wanted them considering you were ill?
youtubetre_fml 14
I should have the same mother : your life don't suck
Shadow_Phantom 26
Likewise to some of the comments, you should feel lucky that she doesn't go batshit-insane on you, like some parents... Still FYL for the awkwardness that ensued.
I_Punch_Babies 7
of course masturbation is okay. i hear that sex acts as an antihistamine. maybe it works the same in single player sessions?
wtflawl 3
Lol awkward! Just be glad she didn't walk in on u doing it then give u that talk haha
DocBastard 40
OP: But mom, I need them because I'm sick! And the dry skin! Mother: Suuure you do, honey. Sure you do. Then why did you ask me to bring you the latest issue of "Big Jiggly Hooters Weekly"? OP: Uuuumm...to read the articles when I get bored?
Dcm210 19
i would've sneezed on her to avoid the akwardness.