Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML
Today, after asking my family to quiet down at a restaurant, my mom told me to go outside. In 100+ degree weather. So I did, and after what seemed like an hour, my family ran out screaming because they thought I'd been kidnapped. I nearly got heatstroke to show my family that sensory overload is real. FML
Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML
Today, I used the upstairs bathroom rather than the downstairs one, which was in close earshot of my parents. When I came out, my mom angrily asked why I used that bathroom. I explained to her that I have shy bladder, and she said, "That’s not a real thing. I can go even with someone watching." FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML
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Top comments
warlockplayer19 5
Pro Tip : only jack off on days that end in Y
Chinnithy 0
Son, the trick is to not let your mom know. I do it all the time and never get caught!
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Comments (119)
hunterrrc 5
so did you not explain to them what happened when he started talking to you??
Xathanos 16
Assuming that your male, then at least she's looking out for you from death grip syndrome best treated early xD
babygirlc1 5
what's to talk about?
DjeePee 25
A talk about masturbation? Now I'm curious, what did he say? Did he gave you advise from his own, personal experience? Did he say it's a devilish sin?
ifailplzinsultme 0
Yeah I'm wondering if it's the "masturbation is a sin, it leads to sex." or "Masturbation is normal, even I do it."
ifailplzinsultme 0
Yeah I'm wondering if it's the "masturbation is a sin, it leads to sex." or "Masturbation is normal, even I do it."
ifailplzinsultme 0
Yeah I'm wondering if it's the "masturbation is a sin, it leads to sex." or "Masturbation is normal, even I do it."
currychicken 4
what's wrong with masturbation?
CrazyGirl445 4
It's natural...
Ugi 27
Did he pass on any interesting techniques?
CammyKarmaMendoz 0
She Must Have Thought You Were Doing It Wrong.:P
ritsuka415 6
does your mother expect you to never ********** lol? (even though you weren't, but still)!
doglover339 4
y didn't u just tell them?
gabe2014 0
if your name is doglover why do u have a pic of a panda?
im_bored_tired 12
your name is gabe why do you have a pic of a car?
raymel 5
^lol win
rhoholm 0
because they'll think that she is only making up an excuse
BariumDeep 0
Yawn. Ask some one about masturbation, and they either admit it, or lie about it.