Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one-night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. It turns out that one day, long before I met my girlfriend, I had a one-night stand with her mother. FML
Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
Today, I asked my mom to tell me how she met my dad, because after 15 years me and my dad are finally working on our relationship. My mom thought it was a good time to tell me he’s not my father, and that my biological father wants to meet me this week. FML
Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML
Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML
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Top comments
LOLatU87 0
Wow, guess your mom was easy back in the day
freakybella 0
I'm sorry OP that you found out your mom was (still is?) easy. Look on the bright side though, when your mom narrows it down to a few potential men; you can go on tv and let Maury tell you who your father is. If it turns out to be none of them he'll keep helping you search. He doesn't care how high that number of men gets: 30,50, even 100! He won't rest until someone is your daddy!
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Comments (70)
catalystics 2
hmmm
Pluff 0
What a well thought out comment number one! Your wisdom totally distracted me from recognizing that you just put anything in an effort to be number one and get lots of attention which always leads up to popularity and pretty girls who most likely stole their display pictures! @OP: Is that somehow worse?
catalystics 2
hmmm I was thinking because I didn't quite understand the fml I thought we had a mystery on out hands of the one night stand father
chloec16 0
And you needed to state "hmmm" to show you were thinking about this? How about you actually say something more constructive next time! It would be much appreciated. Thanks!
theblackpoop 0
hmmm
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
sounds like when I had a one night stand with lindsey lohan. I had to leave before she stole my wallet and watch for drug money.
liray 4
hmmm
jewban 3
5 and 16 you guys are just pissed because you didn't get 1st comment honestly let the dude right whatever they want. don't be little bitches
jewban 3
write*
jewban 3
write *
mobetta126 0
I can't believe people are lame enough to bash someone for saying hmmm. It is such a shame.
PplMakeMistakes 2
hmmhmm..
thatguy32692 4
Op just said their mother said he didn't spend the night so it wasn't a one night stand it was a **** and duck
ricars 5
I don't see why people get bothered about being 'accidents'. I doubt my parents meant to have me and that's fine. of course never meeting your father over it is another thing altogether
LOLatU87 0
Wow, guess your mom was easy back in the day
redbluegreen 41
Who said she isn't still today?
iLucid 0
lol who said she isn't now...
Bcaw 0
your mom... lol
kylerustler58 0
That sucks!
maphineRAWRS 10
well at least she decided to keep you,?
alfredrog 0
Lmfaooo !!!!
bigphill1333 0
Well at least your mom kept you??
JocelynKaulitz 28
be happy! that not-so one night stand is the reason ur living righttt?
DudeImBetter 0
It doesn't really change anything now that you know, anyways.
BloodyHeel 8
Technically, your mother is a floozy.
theaaxis 27
Technically, a single event in a person's life is not enough evidence on which to judge their character.