Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, at work as a groomer's assistant, my boss said something that I didn't catch as I went to take a leash off a dog. I looked at my boss and said, "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML
Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML
Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML
Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years-old. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML
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Top comments
DrDilllonReese 12
She's an oompa loompa
skata 4
how do you screw that up?
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Comments (117)
perdix 31
Good thing hostesses don't work for tips, but you may have screwed the pooch (what breed?) for the waitress who gets to follow that. Did the kid have hairy feet and you thought it might be a hobbit?
NEEPLES 7
She's a mutt.
Angelrose2004 17
That's pretty far off! Wonder what made you think of that!?
xSynergY 8
How many drinks did the Bar staff slip you before starting your shift
beachbabe830 0
Honestly how did that happen?
LotsaLaughs 5
WHAT?! They don't ever sound that same. Goog job, op(;
kareltje 17
Common, people! Give her a break! She can't help it that she's dyslexic...
ikickgingers 15
I was diagnosed with drd as a child. I know the effing difference between a kid and a puppy. :/
bizarre_ftw 22
I don't. I'm fine. Says something about the medical system huh? ^_^
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Oh my God that is hilarious! I would have LOL'd if I'd been there. If it had been my kids I'd have laughed anyway. I did a similar thing with one of my friends once, I wanted to get her attention but I'd been thinking of my cat and so I held out my hand and made clicking noises with my tongue. Aaah, good times.
chelseaaababyyy 17
its funny how you do things subconsciously. me and my best friend work alot so we hardly get to hang out so we talk on the phone alot, and whenever we hang out and she tries to get my attention she says 'hello ?'. its really funny lol
punkin_26 16
I do that to my son all the time. I will whistle and snap my fingers like I'm calling one of my two dogs. I've done it so many times by accident that he actually listens and comes in the house. Whatever works right?
sexynarwhal 6
What breed WAS she?
THE_A_TEEN 28
A sexy narwhal?
obamathellama 0
Damn autocorrect