Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, at work as a groomer's assistant, my boss said something that I didn't catch as I went to take a leash off a dog. I looked at my boss and said, "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML
Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML
Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML
Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years-old. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML
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Top comments
DrDilllonReese 12
She's an oompa loompa
skata 4
how do you screw that up?
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Comments (117)
redrubies5000 0
That is funny, probably something I would have said.
hurrican_fml 0
What breed was she?
21247004 0
You're retarded.
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
OP... suggestions for the next time... at your next job... 1- oh, she's so cute... who's the father? 2 - why she's so cute... is she adopted? 3 - she is adorable... is this your baby? 4 - what a cute thing- is it human? 5 - What the hell - dogs can't sit at the table this little ******* gotta go!! just some samples for ya.... the first couple are offensive for sure but the last two are right up your alley!!!!
satph 12
suggestions for your next comment... just don't bother typing.
KazooNinja 1
How?
j_cat187 20
She is half man half donkey.
bgraber04 1
shes human...what breed are u?
rroxie124 5
Hahahahhahh(:
LaDeFreakinDa 4
its ok OP I was a hostess for a while and I once to a woman in a wheelchair to "walk this way"...
ravens_embrace 2
Total fail but hilarious. It reminds me of when my sister was in line at the store and this woman in front of her had a horribly ugly child with her. My sister bent to play with the child..and MEANT to say 'Aww she's so cute' but instead said what she was really thinking 'Aww she's so UGLY!' Needless to say the other woman was NOT happy but I about pissed myself laughing.