Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML
Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML
Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML
Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a huge argument. He called me wasteful for throwing out old food. He insisted that you can simply pick the mold off and the food was perfectly fine. He’s going to kill our kids. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
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Top comments
ohcoolstorybro 14
Miami zombie is real
PlaidPanda 9
Because the cops shot the guy FIVE times before he went down, I'm guessing one of them was in the head.. Have you heard about the mother eating her baby, the dude eating his roommate, and there have been a few other ones out there too. I don't believe this is a "zombie pandemic" but some freaky shit is going on.
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Comments (361)
joeystar95 4
Your husband seems fun but I get his worries, the Miami Zombie!
lovethycookies 0
Well if zombies do come some good stuff to have 1.A bag of skittles.2.A sword (they dont need reloading)3.a gun.4some rope.5.alot of canned food.6.a bag of cookies.
laden_swallow09 35
Swords need reloading. It's called a whetstone.
elmousey 5
No no no! Skittles get you shot.
bacon_strip96 0
Despite the fact that there's evidence of people eating other people all across the country. Just give it a bit and he'll get over it. Calm down, dudette.
Levvy 22
Which is different from how it has been in every country at every other point in history how, exactly?
Devoo 7
HOLY SHIT GET LEON AND CHRIS!
tereiscool 1
Oh, tell him not to worry. That's only happening here in Miami Fl. -_-
kebell68 2
Best. Husband. Ever.
hollykate 4
Keveinn95 I agree 110% with you.but it doesn't matter how many times you tell people,some are too scared to believe so they push away and say it's "bullshit".whatever people think just be aware because even idiot don't believe us,just know scary shit is happening and getting worse everyday
THE_A_TEEN 28
Oh please, tell us how not believing in a shadowing organization who controls much of the world from a secret location (presumably Denver international. Yes i know those conspiracies) means that we are scared of this "supposed" reality and try to push it away because of fear and denial? I would absolutely love to hear your reasoning.
livelobster123 14
God forbid you two have kids.... Lol, but no offense to you, OP.
rachdrenck 0
True story! Build a shelter and stock it! Im a prepper too!
callmenick 1
He's got a valid point, however I wouldn't go to extremes like that.