Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after Boris made his Monday night lockdown announcement, my husband announced that no way can he handle another lockdown stuck in the house with me and two teenagers, so he drove all night to our static caravan and insists he’s staying there alone until lockdown is over. FML
Today, I learned my husband was told to isolate for 10 days but hid it from me and pretended to go to work every day, then snuck back home after I left to take the kids to daycare, and has basically had a chore and child-free holiday, playing Xbox every day. FML
Today, my husband is depressed because the government is relaxing coronavirus isolation and he doesn’t want to have to return to talking to people, or having family drop by unexpectedly, or socialising at all. He prefers being stuck at home as an antisocial Xbox and Netflix goblin FML
Today, it's been about two months since I made my husband sleep in the spare room after an argument. I invited him back to our room after two nights but he refused. Since then he’s moved a TV, Xbox, fridge and new armchair into the spare room, and put a lock on the door only he has a key for. I’ve barely seen him. FML
Today, my wife was so sick of being isolated with the kids while I, a key worker, got to "escape" to work everyday, that she locked herself in our room and got completely trashed on my cider, meaning I had to stay at home with the kids instead of helping my elderly patients. FML
Today, my husband has been isolating for 6 days in our bedroom, with me sleeping in the spare room, since his positive COVID test. I found instructions for how to fake the positive result on our shared iPad. He lied to get out of work, my birthday, and my parents' anniversary party. FML
Today, I found my boyfriend playing games when we have 5 million things to do, but the bastard picked me up, put me in the hall, shut the door in my face, and barricaded it with the sofa. I texted him, threatening to break up unless he opened the door; he texted back to leave my key behind when I left. FML
Today, what should have been a nice family dinner ended with my wife standing over me, staring me dead in the eyes, while endlessly repeating, “Get him out of my house, get him out of my house…” until I agreed to take my drunk brother to a hotel to sleep it off. FML
Today, my husband got home from hospital following a suicide attempt that was a hair's breadth from being successful, and told me he did it because he can’t handle being married, being a father, having responsibilities, then he moved out and refuses to come home. FML
Today, I discovered my husband and kids wait until I’m out of the house before doing fun activities like water fights, board games, Xbox sessions, football, and the like. Apparently I’m such a buzzkill and moody sore loser, they can only have fun without me around. FML
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Top comments
Sady_Ct 38
This doesn’t sound healthy for your relationship
PhoenixChick 26
so he can let the takeaway delivery guy come to the door but not you?
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Comments (17)
Sady_Ct 38
This doesn’t sound healthy for your relationship
Ambrily 27
Or her lungs.
PhoenixChick 26
so he can let the takeaway delivery guy come to the door but not you?
Marcella1016 32
I can’t imagine the smell. Forget about showers, where is he peeing and defecating?! 🤢
2deployments1divorce 11
In some parts of the world a camper or RV is called a Caravan. It could have full bathroom services
Marcella1016 32
Haha thanks. I was picturing a Dodge Caravan and having a bit of trouble lol
bobsanction 18
It's called social distancing Karen.
RichardPencil 32
It's so simple. As the delivery guy approaches, seduce him. During sex, knock him out (if you're not violent, you can make the sex so boring, he falls asleep). Put on his uniform and ambush your husband in that brilliant disguise. I'm surprised you didn't think that up on your own.
Dale Gulley 8
What is he? 12? What an idiot
metalhead88 9
Sounds like your husband is a bitch.
Kayla Marie Calderon 2
that is my idea of self isolation lol
demix_fml 32
Maybe bag all his stuff up and drop it off at the door...... he might get the message?
Matthew Irmen 11
Enjoy the vacation