Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML
Today, my dad hid the toilet paper and is charging me 50 cents a roll. FML
Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML
Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML
Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML
Today, as he was going out, I asked my father if he stop by the store and buy some tampons for me and toilet paper for the house, because we have been out for the last 5 days. He came home with a 30-pack of beer and cigarettes instead. I just started my time of the month and we have no more money. FML
Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Wow your parents are cheap. Just buy your own, and let no one use it.
Sparx1_1 16
"get it free from work" usually means "steal it from work" and your dad hasn't forgotten. He's probably being watched by the supervisor. He's not only cheap but he's a criminal and he's going to look like an absolute idiot when he has to tell people he lost his job for stealing toilet paper. FYL, it really sucks when you have to suffer because your parent are idiots. What else does your dad get "free" from work?
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Comments (92)
Mauskau 36
One toilet roll lasts 3 people(and maybe the guests that come over but they usually use the downstairs toilet) 2-3 days in my house. One roll for 5 of us used to be 1-2 days. x_x
summersizzle 0
54. i don't CAPITALIZE on purpose. and also i was being SARCASTIC. so you should calm your angsty young self down.
samicna 4
stealing from work I hope your dad gets fired
Alanah101 0
Sorry? Probably by the time my message post. You've gotten other rolls of paper?
ppriscilla 0
buy toilet paper!!
jmm23 0
u should go buy some then
structuredchaoz 4
A family of 5 likely has members old enough to work and help out. Things aren't like they used to be so you might want to get used to wiping your own ass. Literally.
vomitknife 0
Hide the roll, use it yourself, then leave some of those slick paper junkmail flyers in the bathroom for your dad to wipe his ass on. If he has to use that to wipe with then I bet you'll have an abundance of stolen toilet paper from now on.
Ninjafriends 1
Laxatives, not a one way ticket out of town, you silly rabbit! "We gave poppa some laxatives seven years ago. We haven't seen him since."
pike1346 3
vballchick, u need a good man?