Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML
Today, my dad hid the toilet paper and is charging me 50 cents a roll. FML
Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML
Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML
Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML
Today, as he was going out, I asked my father if he stop by the store and buy some tampons for me and toilet paper for the house, because we have been out for the last 5 days. He came home with a 30-pack of beer and cigarettes instead. I just started my time of the month and we have no more money. FML
Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Wow your parents are cheap. Just buy your own, and let no one use it.
Sparx1_1 16
"get it free from work" usually means "steal it from work" and your dad hasn't forgotten. He's probably being watched by the supervisor. He's not only cheap but he's a criminal and he's going to look like an absolute idiot when he has to tell people he lost his job for stealing toilet paper. FYL, it really sucks when you have to suffer because your parent are idiots. What else does your dad get "free" from work?
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Comments (92)
bigbadtim 7
Use a towel.
scorpio_1293 0
Use your hand
soiheardyoufaile 4
Take the roll, and then say you ran out, then, once he's finally submitted to going out and getting a roll, put it back on, the result? you earn yourself some awesome toilet roll! :3
perdix 31
I'd say he's forgetting it WITH fail. If that last roll runs out, you can say he forgot with epic fail.
tykiej 0
Oh for Pete's sake, just be the hero and go buy some toilet paper.
mandypandypants 4
If you're that desperate why don't you just breakdown and buy some.
sallen0046 4
So buy your own toilet paper and don't let anyone else know you have it. Until you run completely out, I fail to see what's life-******* about the situation. Unless your father owns a company that produces toilet paper, it's extremely doubtful he's getting it for "free" in any legal manner. Go to the store. Buy cheap toilet paper. Problem solved - you get to wipe your ass and your father keeps his job and doesn't go to prison for stealing from work.
prettyinpinkxx 0
why don't you just go buy some? if you're old enough to use the Internet, pretty sure you're old enough to buy a roll of toilet paper.
Yankeebby69 0
Wrong. Nine year olds use the internet. They are definitely incapable of buying toilet paper. Hence the word BUY. if OP doesnt have money, how is he going to buy toilet paper???
lemonfloorwax 0
I bet most nine year olds can scrounge up a buck from the loose change in the couch or borrow it from a friend. $1 = tp from dollar store. Not a difficult concept.
forza_italia88 2
#46 im pretty sure most 9 year olds have more money than most of us had at their age coz they are given heaps by their parents and family but obviously op is just too tight to buy some and they just feel like complaining
PrinceLaharl 0
You humans are so weak. I would just forcibly take the toilet paper for myself.
1215116a 14
...aren't you a human?
1215116a 14
...aren't you a human?
1215116a 14
...aren't you a human?
1215116a 14
...aren't you a human?
1215116a 14
...aren't you a human?
MsMDoza 0
just to comment on all the people saying that the dad is stealing it from work: my husband works at a paper processing factory and he gets it free every 30 days as a reward if his department meets quota and doesn't have any worker's comp complaints. We haven't bought toilet paper, paper towels, or paper plates in over 5 years.