Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML
Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML
Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML
Today, my dad hid the toilet paper and is charging me 50 cents a roll. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
I'm worried. You seem to be living such abject poverty that you accepted that your entire family can't afford toilet paper, before finding out it was a ruse. Are you really that poor, or does your mom just hide money in order to get her kids to behave a certain way? Also... shit tickets?
Dave_Davington 34
I'm just really happy that shit tickets seems to be catching on.
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Comments (24)
BurnInDemonFire 39
I'm worried. You seem to be living such abject poverty that you accepted that your entire family can't afford toilet paper, before finding out it was a ruse. Are you really that poor, or does your mom just hide money in order to get her kids to behave a certain way? Also... shit tickets?
wHSKitty 11
It’s in the urban dictionary. Some of these new slang terms are just stupid.
008GGG 14
‘Shit tickets’ is far from new. I first heard the term 20 years ago. The person I heard it from used it while in the Marines in Vietnam.
Charlie Given 28
It's as old as WW2 when people would use useless ration cards which were very thin and looked like large bus tickets, hence "shit tickets"
TomeDr 25
Your mother is a genius!
wHSKitty 11
Umm ... TMI!!!
RichardPencil 32
Get him a bidet for his b-day?
Dave_Davington 34
I'm just really happy that shit tickets seems to be catching on.
Summaria 10
I feel like showering after every dump will cost more than buying toilet paper....
Lalala579121 28
Yeah they just need to get one of those toilets that sprays your bum with water after you shit.
boopingsnoot 25
A bidet! Wish I had one.
Inkoseh 33
You guys at least can afford a poop knife, right?
carlgrimes47 13
Couldn't she buy some and keep a secret stash, grabbing a few sheets before entering the bathroom? Your family could still use it and your brother be none the wiser.
carlgrimes47 13
Couldn't she buy some and keep a secret stash, grabbing a few sheets before entering the bathroom? Your family could still use it and your brother be none the wiser.
Davros 12
You can't buy your own TP? Im sure there is a Walmart or McDonalds close by.
Cowgirl1293 26
"Welcome to McDonald's can I take your order?" "Yes, I need some McShit tickets. Please. Fresh. Uh. Not used. $12.75? Sure, ok. Thank you."