Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML
Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, work was so busy that when I went to take a shit, I had to force it and wipe hurriedly. Later, when I got home and hopped in the shower, my wife saw the skid mark in my underwear and lost her shit, calling me a disgusting disgraceful pig. FML
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Top comments
hard_candy 25
you could have just stopped at a store or fast food joint.
supernerd95 17
i don't know man. ... that was some serious shit
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Comments (83)
jeanyrios 10
Always make sure to use the bathroom before leaving any place.
Parvati48 15
Well think about the bright side, at least you made it home before you shat yourself OP. :)
Dt33345 13
Quick piece of advice, if you have to shit but can't at your home for some reason, GO TO A PET STORE! NO ONE EVER THINKS OF USING THE TOILETS AT PET STORES! It makes it so everything in there is spotless.
AnalAssassin1 14
I did it in a bag once...
momac86 17
Still better than in the car or your pants
misshaleyblake 8
Well I suppose your backyard is better than having to go in someone else's, right?
Wakachulak 22
Free fertilizer!
yorkie_16 15
roughing it is always fun. but toilet paper is nicer than tree bark in my opinion hahaha :)
Ziggy122 15
I take it you've never been camping.
charlies989 6
Sounds like a pretty shitty day.