Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML
Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, work was so busy that when I went to take a shit, I had to force it and wipe hurriedly. Later, when I got home and hopped in the shower, my wife saw the skid mark in my underwear and lost her shit, calling me a disgusting disgraceful pig. FML
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Top comments
hard_candy 25
you could have just stopped at a store or fast food joint.
supernerd95 17
i don't know man. ... that was some serious shit
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Comments (83)
LordSatan 4
Buy a bucket lid toilet seat for emergency situation.
LordSatan 4
Umm you do know they sell it for camping? It's better to shit in a toilet bucket then on your lawn
PenguinBitch 44
Welcome back to the Discovery Show: HUMANS. Here we spotted a human going back to its natural instincts. Lets hear closely... "Ahhh f**k yes. FINALLY". We'll return after these messages.
kerstileann 26
and while this human in its natural habitat is getting close to nature, we see it use it closest thing to love- the smartphone. such a beautiful sight. nature is wonderful
Just_A_Tree 20
It wasn't Just Any Tree you took a crap behind! That was me, you douchecanoe! It smells bad!
Michael903 18
Um...are you the reason the plumber was there at the house?
emi_alejandra 23
At least in wasn't your pants
cjwayy 22
That's dignified.
demonfacee 14
You could go to a gas station or fast food place, even though they stink. I'm just glad you didn't do it in your pants.
isabellasimone 18
I hope you at least had a fence and remembered to bring toilet paper.
MrConcise 35
Well, it's better that he's working on the house's plumbing instead of your wife's, right?
elcee1987 18
Or maybe the plumber had already done so and that's why he was *still* at the house.
Acerhawk 24
Always call before leaving, if you know there is plumbing going on