Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML
Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, work was so busy that when I went to take a shit, I had to force it and wipe hurriedly. Later, when I got home and hopped in the shower, my wife saw the skid mark in my underwear and lost her shit, calling me a disgusting disgraceful pig. FML
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Top comments
hard_candy 25
you could have just stopped at a store or fast food joint.
supernerd95 17
i don't know man. ... that was some serious shit
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Comments (83)
worldclassrager 41
Couldn't you stop somewhere on the way back? Unless you have the issue that the guy in American Pie had...
YaraSanne 12
Back to nature. Survivaling does'nt works for you i geuss
PresidentNorth 16
aye, neither be grammar in this case. *Scottish voice*
michael_rahon 2
better than store bought fertilizer!!
vikky538 29
I thought you have used the toilet while the plumber is working.. that will take this FML to whole new level...
thewife5 19
We've all been there.. Well I'm sure other people have had to do this. FYL
mrd1997 19
Time for embarrassing stories that I will regret posting! Oh and WARNING, it is gross! One time I had really bad diarrhea because i had food poisoning and I literally shit my pants while watching tv. Didn't have any warning, just happened and next thing I know, I shat myself. It's lovely, really. I lost one of my favorite pair of underwear that day. But hey look on the bright side, you at least made it to a tree, and had warning before!
EvilLittleMan 23
How long did it take the flies to swarm?
captainsmegma 12
It's just a shit in the back yard. What's the big deal!
MFcoffee 12
come on though, you gotta admit it felt more natural lol
Artemishuntress 8
lmfao op way 2 live the wild life sucks u have no tp op lol smh blame it on the dog if someone asks I guess