Today, I woke up in my boss’s sofa. I was covered in vomit, my head was hurting too much, and the only thing I could remember from the party the day before was that I was holding hands with my boss. I thought the story ended there but turns out I bit him on the neck, not once, not twice, but thrice. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML
Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML
Today, I was at my boss's house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4-foot cake before passing out. FML
Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML
Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, I woke up with a stinky smell piercing my nose. Yesterday there was a party at my boss’s house, where I got super drunk and passed out. When I regained consciousness, I realized my panties were wet, my pants were wet, and, of course, the bed was wet. I’m 21 years old. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his tenth beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
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Top comments
D J's MOM 17
are you sure your drink wasn't spiked? or is drinking like that normal for you?
RichardPencil 32
Whose vomit?
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Comments (5)
JackWood 21
So you're a vampire?
Hangryko 32
Nice Mr. Burns reference there.
RichardPencil 32
Whose vomit?
D J's MOM 17
are you sure your drink wasn't spiked? or is drinking like that normal for you?
Vesi 30
This was my exact thought, too. OP, please, if this ever happens again, go to a clinic for bloodwork to see if you have unknown chemicals in your blood. I'd also check for STI's/STD's just in case.
Shzusuziq11 12
Do you still have a job?