Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML
Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do a good deed, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
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Top comments
rosha267 21
How are apples an alternative to cigarettes?
Egnar 19
"Hey I don't smoke, but here have some apples?" - More than likely the thought of something like that, no matter how sincere you were, probably sounded condescending to her. . As if you were better than her and pitied her for smoking. Really should have just said no, sorry I don't smoke.
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Comments (187)
sourgirl101 29
Criss-cross applesauce.
b1gn1gz 0
smokers these days
xXshadowrollerXx 6
Honestly, I would have thrown the apples at you too. I wonder what the woman said as OP walked away.
OnlyAFeckWanker 0
next time you see her, pin her down and rape her asshole until she cries then cum in her vag and shell get pregnant. LOL
Predental 5
wicked
laden_swallow09 35
That'd work… if OP were a MALE
jessiebabes 2
lol. rough.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
YDI for assuming she's either homeless, or that she should take your self-righteous charity with grace. Perhaps you meant well, but honestly, mind your own business. Say 'no, I don't have any' and leave. In any case, F the apples's lives.
geeksaresexy 18
Maybe she meant rough looking as in violent not homeless and was trying to save herself from a possible beating..
a_nutritionist 10
mind your own business? then wouldnt that apply to the rude **** bothering random strangers for cigarettes?
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
She's not the one writing the FML though. Common sense would tell OP to ignore panhandlers. It's not uncommon for people to ask for smokes. Why OP thought she'd want an apple, or two, even, is beyond me.
youshitme 9
she never implied she was homeless, you're just assuming she thought that.
a_nutritionist 10
what youre saying doesnt make sense. so because the idiot isnt writing the fml, she shouldnt have to comply with your "mind your own business" rule? and how is something being common acceptable now? its common for people to drink and drive, does that make it acceptable too? this sounds like a really flimsy argument to me.
Offensive_fml 4
Now, whoa, first off... she didn't ask for apples, what the hell? Secondly... who the hell carries two apples? I mean one but two?
elenaa1121 4
hahaha this is funny. loll but why give her an apple?
TylersMB 0
why would you assume that apples are an alternative? should have jyst said no and walked away. and ive never really seen anybody carry apples around with them. just saying.
a_nutritionist 10
its called shopping. some people buy their own food. you might have seen them on tv leaving these things called "supermarkets" or other such fmcg retail stores.
TylersMB 0
ahhhh i see i see. yes i think ive done that before. but i wouldnt take some new apples that i just bought from this "supermarket" you speak of and give it to some random woman whose addicted to smoking.
a_nutritionist 10
...good for you.
omg_a_BALLOON 0
How do you like them apples?