Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML
Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do a good deed, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML
Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
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Top comments
rosha267 21
How are apples an alternative to cigarettes?
Egnar 19
"Hey I don't smoke, but here have some apples?" - More than likely the thought of something like that, no matter how sincere you were, probably sounded condescending to her. . As if you were better than her and pitied her for smoking. Really should have just said no, sorry I don't smoke.
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Comments (187)
CitrusGirl 0
Granny smith or golden delicious? It makes a difference.
sheethapins 13
Golden Delicious > Granny Smith
illmatic2 16
Fuji > everything else.
CitrusGirl 0
I only like Granny Smith apples with caramel, to be honest.
0215mike 2
wtf y would u offer her apples as an alternative to cigerettes
0215mike 2
fail on ur part but he said she looks like a rough women he should have just said he doesnt have cigarettes
geeksaresexy 18
OP is female for a start.. If the woman was rough looking she probably didn't want to get battered by her!
savy7093 9
Fail apples.
khaya 9
You know what they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But two apples a day keeps the crazy bag lady in play.
christyxbee 15
But... she didn't have a bag
geeksaresexy 18
how do you know?
Blueglasscup 18
Damn what a waste of some perfectly good apples! Unless they were green apples of course...
livin_plur 0
green apples are the best idk what you're talking about :)
RugbyKid 0
no blue apples are best, genetic mutations ftw
marix54888 0
Pears are better than apples. now we know why OP gave apples, must save the pears.
ChrisLTC 3
At least you hadn't just bought a bag of bowling balls!
lalalaughter 0
"oh, i dont have a cigarette.. here, you can smoke this bowling ball if you'd like!"
josh5634 0
^it got two thumbs up :)
Socks91 16
Yes, because apples are a perfectly good alternative to cigarettes. If you offered me apples when I was asking for a cigarette I would have thrown them at you too! It's a perfectly acceptable Australian response.
a_nutritionist 10
yeah cos its so hard to just refuse the offer.
020266t 5
You gave them apples why..?
christyxbee 15
ahahaha. that just made my day savy. thank you
promarkchris 6
It's funny how beggers, in actuality, are the DEFINiTION of 'choosers'.
rampatmonkey 7
you sir, are the "DEFINiTION" of ignorant.