Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, a co-worker verbally abused me because I yawned. His excuse was that, "It's contagious". FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, while I was working in a grocery store, a costumer decide to take a dump on the ground after I told him he couldn’t access to restrooms because my boss closed them due to COVID restrictions. FML
Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML
Today, at the microbiology lab, I discovered that the guy who took the shift before me didn't sterilize the work space very well. I am now blowing chunks from both ends from a very nasty strain of E. Coli. My company blames me. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at work, humming to myself while scrolling through memes. I started laughing and I said out loud, “You’re so stupid” to my phone. Someone in the next stall said, “Excuse me?” and I had to fake a cough and flush just to escape. FML
Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, while at work, I let out a nasty wet fart, thinking no one would hear me since I work in a warehouse. My coworker did hear me, and replied, "WTF? Shots fired! Shots fired!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
vladmire 4
Gotta love that stall conversation :)
SkoomaKi 28
A interesting thing to discuss while doing the daily push. He could be onto something.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (83)
justcallmemini 15
first!
Naomimi_fml 6
^you should be sterilized
Brool_Story_Co 17
People still do this?
YankeeLoverr 6
People still do this? I thought they would've learned from all the past idiots that posted "first" on an FML and got bitched out.
vladmire 4
Gotta love that stall conversation :)
swankmrpancake 8
I think the coworker was just making conversation to stall going back to work.
FtP_Benihana 0
Usually all I hear in the next stall is Angry Birds theme music.
saransh 3
Or the temple run music
SweetAsHell 9
In my opinion, listening to someone rant like a lunatic is much more entertaining bathroom material than a book or playing a game on a smartphone. It's funnier too.
cyanidesandwich 21
Sounds to me like your coworker has been watching too much stargate sg-1 lately...
Drigr 9
The last sentence makes this whole FML.
gc327072 31
I thought of this idea years ago! (not gov't, sort of a "what if there was this disease...")
MisterDoctor 12
Holy crap, his theory actually makes sense though.
sryu 9
Canada doesn't need population control
jackrileymac 4
He's read the book legend!
Cairo_Sanchez 8
That sucks yo, hope you were able to handle your business.
boofgall 16
Was the 'yo' that necessary, home boy?
muzy 23
Hey housie, what's wrong with saying yo ? too mainstream ?
ntd309 14
Explain to me why it sucks that his coworker was explaining his theory!! Clearly he's onto something. It may not be bathroom talk, but its certainly logical. I get it though! Sheep want to be sheep! Statistics show male sperm has dropped 87% in the last century thanks to high frequency signals mostly coming from cell phones and thanks to Bisphenol-A in the plastics...Which the FDA could easily mandate to be removed! What do you think Planned Parenthood is about...umm maybe population control. They hand out condoms and provide abortion care. Thats population control! All the original robber barons like the Rockefellers and the Carnegies have funded these agendas since they had the money to do so. Enjoy the Police State!
Shrike 24
WOO, okay! Someone's been listening to too much Alex Jones! I sympathize with ya, buddy. I used to be all into that shit too, but then I stopped calling anyone who disagrees with me a sheep, and actually upped the standards of my own research. Jeez. Face reality: you're not special. Nobody gives a shit about you. Nobody gives a shit about your private life. The government wants your money and not much else. Get a grip, son.
THE_A_TEEN 28
^COOKOO COOKOO COOKOO
THE_A_TEEN 28
Oh and the U.S. currently has over 330 million people and counting. You're insane.
deBlobX 12
We got a badass over yo!!
astoryofroses 9
Antidote to cure and we'll give birth to dump babies? (yes referring to a previous FML)
justonecomment 2
What FML would that be exactly?
astoryofroses 9
girlfriend said she's pregnant, boyfriend is freaking out, and she comes out and says yes she was and that she just gave birth to a large dump baby
whyusofat 17
That fml is probably as old as the internet.(sarcasm)
dashizam 10
Now, this FML is not complete! We need to know where you work! When they fire this guy we'll go take his job, I mean they DO have low standards.
Chill_Turtle95 3
What??
bondgirl69 5
Wtf are u talking about wilis?
dashizam 10
Let me explain: Dude gets fired because he solved governments plan, boss people try too hire somebody quick and low key, they're not careful, and they let DocBastard in. K?
DocBastard 40
What in the name of Francis Scott Key are you talking about?
PYLrulz 17
Dashizam, lay off the dope, K
klovely22 13
Uh oh. Doc I hope you don't let that insult slide.
capt_awesome1 11
Just regular bathroom conversation...
LappDance 16
You should've played along!
IgnatiusBaseball 21
It could have been worse...
SkoomaKi 28
A interesting thing to discuss while doing the daily push. He could be onto something.
GH0ST_ASSUALT816 12
Gotta admit it's a pretty good idea
Blacksxe 1
That actually makes some sense...
reallytho3 11
It's almost scary lol
drewnewton 0
mass effect 3 anyone?
ThatsAfurry 9
Yeah, first thought was actually the genophage