Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
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Top comments
Pwn17 25
Who gives a shit about what she thinks?
DocBastard 40
Well that was rather unprofessional of him. What kind of doctor talks rudely to his patients like that? *whistles innocently*
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Comments (91)
thatnucca 36
Being constipated that long definitely would leave me sense of humor constipated too...
Wizardo 34
I hear you're full of shit... keep talking or eat some Taco Bell, that'll clear you right out.
phooboy 10
Two words: fiber and water.
emilyjgraham 34
That's three ;) heh
shadowfighter10 9
Well, did it help?
venus89 17
Pour some in her coffee, then she will see who is laughing ;)
KiddoKS 19
This is just the type of story moms will never forget either. I can see op's mom sitting down with future dates breaking out the embarrassing baby pics and reminiscing about the time the doc told you that you were full of shit... Memories :)
perdix 31
With friends like that, who needs enemas? You do!!
tegraturbo2000 15
i bet ur mom thought u were full of shit b4 doctors now she knows ur full of shit lmao
mgrace88 8
I hope you feel better soon. And rule of thumb, try not to go more than 3 days without a bowel movement. There are plenty over the counter stuff to encourage a regular bowel movement and it'll much less painful and less costly.
Allratsgottadie 5
Probably should have already knew that if you wasn't taking a shit on a regular basis like everyday.