Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
zingline89 18
Guess your boyfriend's not as Charmin as you thought
KeyboardWarrior 10
I know right... Especially the 48th one...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
daisyismydog 3
^last time i checked toiled paper isn't hard enough to scratch the paint off a cat
daisyismydog 3
Dang.. This was supposed to go to another commenter.. And i meant car.. Not cat hahaha
False_Stupidity 42
Thanks for clearing that up, I was just trying to picture a painted pussy and why anyone would want to scratch the paint off...
odexy 12
Uh, what? Unless it's scented toilet paper I really don't know how on earth you would get itchy and swollen...
False_Stupidity 42
Might be the cheap-arse chemicals they treated it with.
anniekins 6
No one deserves such harm from toilet paper.
melrose90210 10
At least that's all it is... Could have been Crabs.
jmoreno 4
ThAt sounds like a std more than cheap toilet paper
firemedic919 0
vagisil say it with me and yea blame the toilet paper ;-)
unixdude 9
Well, that will teach you to skip "ass to ******" next time you get frisky.
kitten_mittens5 8
Exactly! Guarantee thats what its from.
OfficeNinja 5
Like I ALWAYS say - there are things you can cheap out on, but toilet paper is NOT one of those things.
geod69 8
Better to be the Tp then the std
BabyMommaa 0
That suckss!