Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
zingline89 18
Guess your boyfriend's not as Charmin as you thought
KeyboardWarrior 10
I know right... Especially the 48th one...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
SamCat 21
wow, you must be really sensitive down south. when I'm broke, I use tp from the dollar store and nothing like that has ever happened.
Ghizmo 1
Cheap paper? Never met a woman who complained about itching after using bargain paper. Perhaps you're having another breakout.
bugmenotmofo 34
Aaaaand... another person who doesn't grasp the difference between "******" and "vulva". (Hint: one is a hole. The other is not.)
DjeePee 25
...but maybe her ****** is itching and swelling... Ugh, the horror.
Awsumuzzie 12
Well, a cheater ends up cheap. You can't spend money on all these women and then expect to still have money for good toilet paper.
XvIZACKIvX 0
****** nasty don't touch it it also is stinky toilet paper is an excuse!
Helluurrr 9
That's your opinion, but to others, there's nothing "nasty" about one...
False_Stupidity 42
Your comment grammar is nasty...
isis_morrigan 18
Wow, if you can't actually speak English, please don't attempt to add your comment.
AK10bears 0
I call B.S. Really!??! It's your boy friend falt?
drunkonduty247 1
Sure it was
Sumo69 9
Maybe your boyfriend got a garbage dick. No you're right it must be the toilet paper.
BlackCloudedSldr 5
Your vaginal problems dost not interest me woman. Keep your pussy... erm... Puss filled vaginal stories to yourself.
nasek718 2
STD check up might be in order
downtime 13
Why? If it has been identified as an allergic response theres really no need for an STI screening. You should be getting screened regularly just for your own health and the health of those you sleep with.