Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I went. I returned with another pair for him to try on, found him bent over and blurted out, "What's with the terrible underwear?" I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML
Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had no choice but to shit himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he'd pooped in. FML
Today, I tried on a pair of pants in a dressing room and they didn’t fit. However, my period came suddenly and left a massive bloodstain, so I had to buy them anyway. In case you’re wondering, the pants were white, the cashier was male and cute, and he definitely noticed. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML
Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML
Today, while doing my boyfriend's laundry, I noticed that every single pair of his boxers had a poop smear in them. He's almost 30. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Direct him to the diaper section. Those are white...
goodwithoutgods 20
That's actually not a bad idea
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Comments (89)
Welshite 40
Direct him to the diaper section. Those are white...
DocBastard 40
Temporarily...
Steve95401 49
It Depends on how long he has been wearing them.
EphMi 5
the dude wants to see his shit, not conceal it.
ohmygawwwwwwh 4
he just wants to conceal it
goodwithoutgods 20
That's actually not a bad idea
Miss_Whipped 43
Except that they're one-use only pairs of underwear. That would make it inconvenient.
sjbartholome 14
Yeah because loss of sense of touch in the bum area is common for old people.
joea21 21
I don't see how this is a FML for op. If anything the old man deserves it for the constant chocolate stains he has to deal with.
Brody_Generico 7
I think anything you shit in is one use... Look for sales
ohcheriecherie 20
cloth diapers are a thing tho. maybe this guy just....washes his underwear...
Kamon97 23
He does have a good point there :p
syki 22
But couldn't he smell it? Probably more easily than seeing it, too.
brand125 17
not really, #9
PrincessCastiel 27
Man has his priorities straight
MattM95 16
At least he is honest. He does have a strange reason, but a valid point.
brettrb 18
As I read this, I pictured the man being Gary Busey. Seems like it fits..
mpkpm 19
Bono?
badluckalex 23
what/who is bono? or did you spell boner wrong??? much confusion
iLike2Teabag 27
I think it's a South Park reference. Bono is the front man of U2, and is "the world's biggest turd" according to South Park.
mpkpm 19
You are correct!
MysteryGuitarMan 32
Well, he does make a valid point tough.
Lavelle1313 11
Honesty. It's a virtue.
mageepaigeee44 15
I think they say patience is a virtue.
sterling1113 15
I'm pretty sure patience isn't the *only* virtue.
Sigilwen 24
A virtue is a characteristic of a person which supports individual moral excellence and collective well being. There for honesty is a virtue.
Lavelle1313 11
#33 I wasn't going by any particular phrase, just the literal meaning of the word. Sorry for the confusion.
Alyxi 20
Seeing as I have a med condition that causes that very issue sometimes, that's why I would WANT dark ones...I think he's a lil nuts but hey to each their own.
sunshineb81 16
He probably has vision impairment due to his age as well. That's my thinking behind his white undies logic anyway.
xNephilim 19
I'd go with white ones. You can wash and bleach them. With the dark ones, once you shit in them, you're kind of outta luck.
chuka81 27
That's a shitty situation...now this pun is out of the way, let's move on to brighter comments.
jerryj 27
It wasn't necessary to get that pun "out of the way".
badluckalex 23
you just brought it back "in the way". now that this thread is over with let's move on to more relevant comments
DevilsMetsGiants 30
Right as I'm eating my breakfast. There goes my appetite!
itwasthedognotme 14
Tut tut, haven't you already leant not to eat food while reading FMLs?
badluckalex 23
we've all learned the hard way, unfortunately.
kozzard 17
I must have a stomach of steel then, eating and reading FML never bothers me
Sigilwen 24
And some don't learn any way.