Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I went. I returned with another pair for him to try on, found him bent over and blurted out, "What's with the terrible underwear?" I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML
Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had no choice but to shit himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he'd pooped in. FML
Today, I tried on a pair of pants in a dressing room and they didn’t fit. However, my period came suddenly and left a massive bloodstain, so I had to buy them anyway. In case you’re wondering, the pants were white, the cashier was male and cute, and he definitely noticed. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML
Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML
Today, while doing my boyfriend's laundry, I noticed that every single pair of his boxers had a poop smear in them. He's almost 30. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Direct him to the diaper section. Those are white...
goodwithoutgods 20
That's actually not a bad idea
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Comments (89)
weveallbeenthere 30
show him where the adult diaper section is. How do you not know if you Shit yourself?
DigitalDoctor 2
Not a lovely thought, first ******** your pants and then to sit down. *note to my brains: stop visualizing everything.
SuperStormCindy 8
Uhm, wouldn't you smell it? Was he elderly? either way, fyl, op. ):
meli1195 31
Did you not read the FML?
Calingaladha 21
I don't know why, but the Australian accent I read it in in my head makes this a little better. I hope he finds what he wants, and hopefully you won't have to deal with anything quite so crazy again...at least not for a long while.
lulinator 40
Poor man. That must be horribly embarrassing. I don't want to get old.
PhilSnake22 13
If it was horribly embarrassing he wouldn't casually mention it like that, sounds like he doesn't really care that he ***** himself, as long as his underwear is white of course.
laden_swallow09 35
Sure. Once you hit 45, just off yourself.
Brandi_Faith 34
Not 45, that's still young. But maybe 65.
RedPillSucks 33
Hey! I resemble that remark!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#47 If you keep yourself in good health 65 isn't that old either. My grandparents are 60 & 61 and are still as active as they were in their 30's (they own 2 businesses) and look like they're about 50. :)
Sigilwen 24
44 there is many older people who are in good Heath, there is also younger people who have some problems.
zahidnasir 22
maybe wear white pants
150493x 29
He solved that part for himself
cmacd_12 15
YDI, get over yourself
Siettadulce 21
At least he was honest about what he needed.
witcher 22
he's being honest with you.
worldclassrager 41
Either the color I think he should be able to tell...but whatever suits his fancy should work