Today, during a family gathering, my mom, grandmother, and aunts started talking about an erotic novel they're all reading on Amazon. My cousin asked for the writer's name and I heard my pseudonym in response. My entire family is reading my horribly-written porn. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in tenth grade. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML
Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML
Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML
Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML
Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML
Today, I’ve been writing a novel, so I had my brother read it. He pointed out that the heroine's lover, who she hates most of the time but has hot nasty sex with, pretty much describes our dad. I based the heroine on me, so now I want to be sick every time I read the sex scenes I wrote. FML
Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML
Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML
Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
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Top comments
JasonThorn 23
Considering they are talking about EROTICA at a family gathering, you might be more normal than you think.
azouwa 26
you should make a part 2 and raise the price.
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Comments (23)
Callyn 47
Handsome author, name of Chuck?
JasonThorn 23
Considering they are talking about EROTICA at a family gathering, you might be more normal than you think.
Rootbeerbum 15
can I know the pseudo name
Zachary8261 28
Bloody hilarious.
azouwa 26
you should make a part 2 and raise the price.
inappropes 31
hey that is positive since it was on amazon. means you should be making some molah. unless this is fake which it sounds like it.
RichardPencil 32
I wonder which would be considered more disgraceful if your family found out: that your writing was pornographic, or that it was shitty.
Ashamed_Sister 60
THIS. IS. NOT FAIR. Give us your pseudonym and the name of the novel.
Lobby_Bee 18
Participate in the conversations, you know the whole story anyways. Great family bonding time.
Smgreene 15
Xmas presents. Signed hard copies. There you go no mus no fuss. And a little personalization would add to the thought of the gift. "Hey I heard you guys talking about this book and it was written by a friend of a friend of a friend so...." Thougthful. Cheap. And hilarious when they fined out the truth.