Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck, and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML
Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML
Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML
Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML
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Top comments
ritzbits 0
it wouldn't been sexier if you were naked.
kingtz 6
Kinky! YDI for not getting electrified nipple clamps to go with your outfit.
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Comments (115)
Chad_from_work 0
How about you get some scissors and cut the collar off? I assume you're a person with opposable thumbs and not actually a dog. And then you should probably get some new friends.
Lunaa94 6
While your wrists are handcuffed? Of course. Have you even read the FML?
tweetbaby14 18
you act like it's impossible to move both hands at the same time...
Lunaa94 6
Depends on if your hands are behind you or in front of you.
Nychthemeron 2
Even then, it's not like it's too difficult to get your hands in front of you.
horseracingjocey 0
Actually 78, it takes a very flexible person to be able to get their hands to the front of their body if they are handcuffed behind your back. It also takes a person who is not overweight.
tweetbaby14 18
not really, 81, I'm not very flexible and I can do that. nor am I chubby, but eh.
pickles1994 18
yah 81 it's actually not hard at all ... you don't have to be flexible either... technique;)
GameAddikt 0
her hands are handcuffed!
2010smhill2010 0
i have gotten that drunk and been in that sitution before..
noobienick 19
Congratulations?
a_girl_i_know 0
Someone must really hate you, Oh well, you live and you learn.
kingtz 6
Kinky! YDI for not getting electrified nipple clamps to go with your outfit.
cherieblossom 5
hah hell yeah that would have been sexy
RenaBena7 0
That's like some Saw crap haha
cheyAnn 0
that should be a scene in one of those movies. lol
MarsDeeKiwiBird 0
I'm happy I wasn't the only one who thought of Saw.
2010smhill2010 0
all you have to do is put with the pain until you get the key
felipe87 2
or follow the shock line to the power source and turn it off with your feet
beebeeL 1
Good for you, maybe that'll teach you to be against those things they aren't fun. Stupid ****.
needaclevernameh 1
someone did you doggy style pretty good.
funktown 2
hey, u could of been violated..
xknyghtmayre2011 0
Yea. I wonder if the OP remembers if his ass hurts.
luke1998 0
55 ur dumb u dont know what happened so shut up
pickles1994 18
115 your dumb for not getting what he said... oh sorry forgot your only 12
iranoutofnames 6
you were out drinking on your sofa? sounds like a great night...
jennabell 0
lol I thought that's what he said.