Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck, and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML
Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML
Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML
Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML
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Top comments
ritzbits 0
it wouldn't been sexier if you were naked.
kingtz 6
Kinky! YDI for not getting electrified nipple clamps to go with your outfit.
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Comments (115)
zombiekitten87 12
dog collars don't usually have locks on them for obvious reasons... you probably could have just, Idunno, unbuckled it.
sara8866 8
He is from Texas so you have to excuse him for that!!
IsBitchBetter 1
I can't even begin to describe how awesome that was!!
Phoenix_fml 13
If your hands are in front of you, take off the collar. If they're behind you, then how are you typing this?
Bobissmall 13
Don't be ridiculous. Where in the FML does it say OP is still in this position? He probably dealt with the pain to get the keys or waited for help...
pavloviandoggy 4
Were you perhaps in a Saw movie?
dustin3823 0
that is deffinately thinking outside the box for messing with a passed out guy guess they didnt have any sharpies
Whorebiscuits 4
lmfao!! Sounds like drunk-you is jigsaw in disguise. Drunk: 2. Sober: 0
kirstendanielle1 0
that's probably just where op ended up, it doesn't mean they sat on their couch all night drinking.
hunt3009 16
It probably does mean they were hammered though...
bignasty29 0
Don't drink With Those ppl again
tddygrmlov 0
I love this. totally my new favorite FML. lets just hope its real...