Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML
Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
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Top comments
Barhinder 9
You could say she was having a hoot.
Pleonasm 36
Did you know "too hot to hoot" is a palindrome- you can say it backwards and it reads the same way.
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Comments (83)
Teyros 24
I guess it's better to know she isn't a cougar? :P
upsidedownfrownn 5
I got it... And found it to be clever
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
I guess it was no letter from Hogwarts then :)
oj101 33
Owl be devastated if I didn't get one too.
Tezoma 28
Don't worry, 51. I won't talon you for using the same exact pun as 21. HoNk.
oj101 33
She must be having one owl of a time.
outoftown 27
See what happens when moms roleplay? Out come the blindfolds, and she's crying "Who?? Who??"
Imhere4fml 24
"WHO likes it ruff? WHO? WHO?" That is probably what your mother might have been saying...
Imhere4fml 24
Never saw it, idk if I want to...
JJ_Rokk 10
Awkward Winnie The Pooh flashbacks...
skyeyez9 25
Pooh says "whoooo hoooo hoooo!" When he's really happy or excited. Or Maybe tigger said it? I know one of them did.
mandachea10 8
Don't feel bad, it's the mating call she uses for wohooing your father into bed with her (horrible joke? The h is silent). Feh, i tried.
DyslexicPanda 12
His father's body was discovered later that day
GAUZE 5
I have the opposite problem. There is an owl by my house that sounds like a woman faking it. Badly.
Ihaveonefriend 7
Notice, you got excited over an owl. By that I'm surprised you know what sex sounds like.
SoSickWithIt 14
Notice, your ability to judge people on extremely small things, is probably the reason why your username is, "Ihaveonefriend". But sadly no, Jill, aka Palmela Handerson is not real. So you have zero.