Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML
Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
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Top comments
takeittoem 8
And this is why it's important to pay attention in high school...
erptwerp 26
It will all just blow over in the end, I'm sure.
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Comments (96)
MalevolentMonkey 9
This is what my school taught us because they're not required to tell the truth by the state.
TAntobella 14
Wow.. Seriously??? Was it one of those crazy christian / muslim schools that also teach the Earth is 6000 years old?? How is it possible that they are allowed to uneducate students??
Zebediabolical 45
It is possible because the Republican Party has pushed and fought to make it so that Sex Ed isn't mandatory for schools to teach in the vast majority of states. And in those in which it is mandatory, it's often not required that it be factually accurate or comprehensive. The National Council of State Legislatures is a pretty good place to start on this. ncsl.org/research/health/state-policies-on-sex-education-in-schools.aspx
techiejames 8
Faith in humanity destroyed.
coatl45 11
Yours was only just now killed? Mine went the way of the dodo years ago.
sailorarctic 22
Everytime I see posts like this it makes me mourn our education system and how badly it is failing.
vikky538 29
What? This discussion didn't lead to a demonstration?
WreckeRalph36 18
I hate stupid people.
kmw003 17
lol this is why the American sex ed classes need to be changed.
aZzwipe 18
I feel like there should be a common sense test you have to take before you are allowed to reproduce.
pks2014 10
Well bjs are the secret of long term relationships :)
Bismuth92 11
I see how she might think that. Of course, I do know that digestive and reproductive systems are not connected. But I wondered, if you swallow sperm, pee it out, wipe front to back... couldn't the sperm then enter your ******? Then google told that stomach acid kills sperm, so I stopped worrying.
Fairyjoshy 13
EDIT: I said something, looked at your comment, then realized that you basically said what I said at the very end on in less words. Whoops.
allplayedout 20
You wouldn't be peeing it out, either. Or rather, you would, but after being processed through the digestive and renal systems it would definitely not be sperm anymore. Just regular old piss.
tencentsakiss 19
Believe it or not, there was actually a woman who was stabbed after oral sex, and became pregnant. It sounds like an utterly ridiculous urban legend, but it really happened. Google it. Your friend needs to go through sex ed though.