Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML
Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
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Top comments
takeittoem 8
And this is why it's important to pay attention in high school...
erptwerp 26
It will all just blow over in the end, I'm sure.
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Comments (96)
mixximoo 24
I guess someone missed sex-ed days.
nityasomaiya 46
Apparently there's no.vaccine for stupidity
pdp_fml 21
Google should give you the answer!
Gloomzz 26
Never argue with idiots, they bring You down to their level, stress You out and in they end, they still win (in their own mind).
Miss_Whipped 43
It's a good thing she's not trying to have kids. Can you imagine how stupid her children would be?
prostar9993 15
Or how happy her husband would be?
sirrubberduckie 37
If she thinks you get pregnant by swallowing sperm, how would she manage to have kids? :) "Baby, I don't know why it's not working! I really want you to get pregnant! Now come over here so we can try again."
wolfgirl310 20
If that happens I'm screwed
MissRaindrop 20
Be a good friend and **** block that chick every chance you get. She does not need to breed.
Metzfactor 5
that is called twat swatting
Neesalun 20
Except that it actually did happen to one girl... She had a hole in her stomach after an injury.
echarlotte 19
I don't think that's how it works
Ilmoran 20
Actually it is 27; Google "pregnant from ******* stabbing" and read the first article. A girl in Africa (with a birth defect that caused her to have no ******) got pregnant by being stabbed in the stomach by her ex after she gave a ******* to her new boyfriend.
XXFMLXXQUEENXX 29
And this is why we need sex education.
Mahcookiez 15
Did you win?