Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I actually had to explain to my sister that Shrek was not in fact based on a true story. She replied that I'm a "clueless twat". FML
Today, while home from college for the weekend, my sister started whining about how I keep using "big fancy college words" and making her feel bad. My sister is 27 and teaches elementary school. The word I used was "ludicrous." FML
Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML
Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML
Today, my job interview got canceled. I later found out it's because my sister got the brilliant idea to go talk to the manager to "advocate" for me, and they thought I put her up to it. FML
Today, at work, I had to explain to a 50-year-old engineer that Comic Sans is not an acceptable font for a government contractor to use in a structural report. FML
Today, I was telling one of my patients I was upset because my sister wants to go to beauty school, and that I don't want her getting a worthless qualification and to aim higher. My patient replied by saying she's a hair dresser. FML
Today, my five year-old sister won't stop saying, "Shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML
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Top comments
joanleesimone 2
See who's ******* horses when she's standing in the unemployment line!
kingdutchhy 19
Seems like your sister should start listening to horse-******* then...
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Comments (82)
Sphericity 8
There are some people in the world who just don't want help, OP. My question is, how old is your sister? If she's in high school, I wouldn't worry as much. If she's in college, I'd start preparing for the worst.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Weird Al Yankovic's "Tacky" contains a line about printing your résumé in Comic Sans. :-/
ohSNAPyall 27
This seems unrealistic.
gintwinsmoore 20
ydi for trying to help a clueless moron.
athrowaway 5
This isn't a "f my life" it's a "f my sister"... Wait, I didn't think that one through...
Taolan 23
Well said. xD
miss_amphetamine 24
I'm sorry she was rude to you OP, but don't feel too bad about it. She's the clueless one - not you. She won't be getting a job until she changes not only her résumé, but also her attitude towards others.
cjfred 13
You should have never told her about your equine dalliances... Now she's going to bring that up every time she's mad at you.
joeblow6969 5
She deserves to be jobless, don't offer any more help.
BlackFire4890 16
oh goody another drain on society please tell me shes barren so there'll be no little idiots in her furure
Queen_of_Night 20
Sorry to hear that OP. My kid bro asked me for my help in writing a cover letter for a game company he wants to work for. After explaining what was wrong with it he stopped talking to me. I work for a AAA game company.