Today, I actually had to explain to my sister that Shrek was not in fact based on a true story. She replied that I'm a "clueless twat". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
Today, I had to explain to my housemate that the cast of "The Crown" is not the real Royal Family impersonating themselves. FML
Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML
Today, my sister told me she doesn't think her mom died the way she was told. Uncomfortable, I declined to give my 2 cents on the matter, saying, "I'm sorry" and, "Oh sh!t, sorry." She started gaslighting me about how I wasn't listening, and I told her I was sorry for being a piece of shit, so she then gaslit me about that too. FML
Today, I listened to my niece explain to me, in great detail, that the Titanic never sank, and that the year it supposedly did was a prediction of 9/11. She learned all of this from some whackjob conspiracy theory videos, and acts like she's an expert now as a result. FML
Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML
Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML
Today, I had to explain to someone in my class who Gandhi really was and that he was not a fictional goblin. FML
Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML
Today, I tried explaining a movie plot to a group of friends, only for them to inform me I had described three completely different movies. One said my version actually sounded better. Another asked if I’d hit my head recently. FML
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Top comments
goingsolo211 8
And now you're gonna tell me Santa isnt real too?
rg350dx 29
You might want to consider dental hygiene if you're old enough to live alone and are still losing teeth.
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Comments (56)
goingsolo211 8
And now you're gonna tell me Santa isnt real too?
Ziggyboo 10
What? Santa isn't real? My life is a lie.
evan_7899 28
Pfffft, santa is a huge fake, the easter bunny, now that's real and ever so evasive
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Bitch please he's real!! Santa's the only reason I can make cookies in December... and I'm Jewish! xD
hcollins1 18
But Santa is real! Who else brings presents in the middle of the night every year?
wantmeasandwich 26
Of course it's based on a true character. Whatever gave you that idea, OP?
SilverInGray 25
While shrek was based on a wrestler, the story certainly wasn't based on anything.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
It has to be a true story. I've seen 4 ogres in my life so far. People call them the Baldwin brothers.. Haha.
Corgidan 12
Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
while your add it,, tell her Santa Claus isn't real too
LissaMccracken 23
Wait... While you're add it? Huh?
KingReppin956 15
My parents nor any other parents have told there kids Shrek was real, or put them in the same category as santa or the tooth fair.
Welshite 40
I was looking forward to marrying Farquaad. :( My dreams are crushed.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
He's such a ham.
Zimmington 21
But... but Farqaad died in the first movie
Welshite 40
#26: Shush, you destroyer of hopes. Farquaad lives, and once we are married I will kill him and become ruler of Far-Far Away. *cackles evilly*
flockz 20
i think your expectations will come up short when you meet him in person.
mollyjynxjax 28
But he got eaten by Dragon!
vipirius 18
Wait, it's not? My life is a lie!
cmoney1992 9
The younger generation leaves me completely hopeless...
Zimmington 21
Yes! Please tell me more about how the next generation is doomed because of a few idiots.
slappygecko 21
With the name C-money no less.
phorn84 13
31 It seems like there are many more idiots because they are the very vocal minority. I firmly believe that the film Idiocracy is a documentary that was sent from the future and reshot with actors. It feels like that is exactly how we're going to end up in a few decades.
Wizzlbang 10
I think you're ogrereacting a bit, #10
blakesinthelake 11
Well whatever age she is, she has the brain of a 7 year old
HeartOfLead 24
Slap the teeth out of her mouth and tell her the tooth fairy will pay her for them.
lightanddark 17
Couldn't she tell that it was actually based on Big Foot? *sarcastic*
aklm15 14
My entire life is a lie...