Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother asked a woman at the clothing store we go to all the time when her baby was due. Turns out the woman isn't pregnant. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, I visited a friend and her new baby. The baby had a tight constrictive headband and a clearly wet cloth nappy on. I tried to give some friendly advice on why this was bad, but she shot me down, saying what would I know, I don't have a kid. She's 17 and I'm a 26-year-old practicing midwife. FML
Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML
Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML
Today, I was selling personalised stockings at work. When handing a customer's order over to her, which had no name on, I joked, "Oooh this is a bit mysterious". She replied, "Actually, it's in memory of the baby I miscarried earlier this year." FML
Today, mom was so upset when she found out that she is having another granddaughter that she wants us to pay her back for the little boy clothes that she bought before the sex of the baby was known. FML
Today, while shopping in the baby department at a local department store, a woman approached me asking when I was due. I told her that I was due in 4 months. I lied. I'm not pregnant. FML
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Top comments
shutupmichaela 18
I agree, your life socks. (Anyone? No? I'll let myself out.)
AnOriginalName 19
Just walk away, OP. Just walk away.
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Comments (50)
chris4u2nv5 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Oh gosh! No alien babies
michaelaranda 28
Rascist.
michaelaranda 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
*Racist. I cant belive i misspelled such an easy word.
michaelaranda 28
Oh damn. I misspelled believe. Im going to stop commenting now.
The_9th_Doctor 18
lmao. thanks for that.
ADOG2645 17
Lol, the comment that says he will stop us the one that gets upvoted.
AnOriginalName 19
Just walk away, OP. Just walk away.
K410 18
Geez looks like even women don't understand women lol.
rocker_chick105 31
Men don't understand women. Women understand women and that's why we hate each other.
starile 20
Women see the stupid shit women write about other women on FML. And then they cry some more.
shutupmichaela 18
I agree, your life socks. (Anyone? No? I'll let myself out.)
AnOriginalName 19
It was good pun until that whole "I'll let myself out" thing.
Ziggyboo 10
Yeah, I agree, 7. 3's fame is feeting! Eh? Eh?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
She just got caught up in the feet of the moment, as most pregnant women do. Don't worry OP she toes you meant well. Good luck on the socks.
The_9th_Doctor 18
Booo. get off the stage.
Jake_Hale 7
LOL oh my gosh so funny!
threer 30
LOL oh my gosh we noticed!
JasonUMN 15
She's just overly emotional because of the baby- she'll get over it soon enough and be grateful for your knitting.
bluehero 17
That's an odd way to tell her you've knitted plenty of socks lol
worldclassrager 41
Are you referencing to twins?
Ziggyboo 10
No. To a birth defect that would cause one baby to have more than two feet.
worldclassrager 41
Ah...I would remove my comment if I could...
RedPillSucks 33
Well, that would have been a good save for OP if she had thought of it.
SlapAndTickle 20
I'm assuming 'heavily pregnant'
worldclassrager 41
That's true...too late I would think...
rvnclwprfct731 13
Ahhh. Pregnancy hormones.
thehumanlyhuman 7
Pregnancy is just puberty making an encore appearance for 9 months. Gotta be ready for anything!
laya_fml 26
Octopus baby?
BluKatz 11
Hentai.
misscalimar 10
Lol same thought ^
RoboCunnilingus 23
Stewie.
SMHsohard 22
Considering she said "heavily pregnant" my first thought would have been more along the lines of Shetland pony or Great Dane.
rosenkrieger223 24
Octopus baby gives a whole new meaning to the octo-mom thing.
Henge 6
well... gotta be prepared for all possibilities
MikaykayUnicorn 36
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD YOU MADE ME LAUGH? I THOUGHT I WAS DYING
FimogenFeels 14
It's probably her hormones. Sorry OP!
Pstraka6 20
That would not cross my mind to even say that, but I would try to make it up to her with some gloves possibly, minus the fact that you'd be set even if it had a 'few extra hands'