Today, I learned to never invite my father to a wedding. He'll show up late, complain about the food, piss on a tree, and leave. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad, who lives hours away, called and told me he was getting married. Today. As in this evening. Guess I'm not invited. FML
Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was, and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML
Today, despite his promise not to, my dad got completely shitfaced at my wedding reception. When we found him, he was passed out on the toilet with his pants down, penis out, and he’d shit all over himself, the toilet, and the floor. I thought I could trust him just this once, but now he’s dead to me. FML
Today, my father-in-law decided he was going to just completely take over our engagement party, so now my fiancé just wants to go to Reno and get married there. FML
Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML
Today, nobody wanted to come to my graduation after finding out that my father was coming too. FML
Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML
Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML
Today, I learned that in my family, 'Father's Day' is more like 'Father's drunken, piss on a plant in the kitchen during breakfast, order you to scrub in between his toes with your toothbrush Day.' FML
Today, my dad thought it would be appropriate to get drunk at my wedding and include in his father of the bride speech all the very bad things I did as a child, before I got the psychiatric help I needed. My in-laws were giving me death glares, and his nana yelled, “Shame on you!” at me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DrMario_ 16
Is your father a dog? O.o
dman1997 5
He certainly knows how to make an entrance... And exit.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (52)
americanafrican 32
he did well if it was only one tree
Frenchtony 17
Is it good for a tree when someone pees on it ? I've always wondered while doing so... Am I feeding it, or am I poisoning it ? Maybe both, but then does my action have an overall positive impact on the tree or is it the other way around ?
gladlily 16
Apparently it's inadvertently bad for the tree. Deer are attracted to the salt in the urine and then will eat the bark off the tree to get it.
[email protected] 14
that would "piss" me off
[email protected] 14
Joking aside I hope you can work it out with your dad.
Enslaved 38
"Why don't you make like a tree, and get out of here!?"
False_Stupidity 42
"Leave. It's make like a tree and leave. I hate it when you get that wrong"
MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21
It sucks that some parents need to grow up more than their children. Sorry OP.
Airborn0280 18
Well if you married the right man you will never have to experience that again. ?
Mangoesweg 13
That's what my dog does.
tranced_ 45
and the award for the coolest dad goes to. .
nreed32 20
Go home dad, you're drunk.
SmittyJA24 26
You say that like it's a bad thing!