Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Is this dude a puma?
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
Another one?
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
Top comments
HazzaBoo 3
Is he reading Twilight? :P hope not
toelie 26
Good riddance.
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Comments (298)
HazzaBoo 3
Is he reading Twilight? :P hope not
loloalltheway 23
I love twilight and reading the books doesn't automatically mean your crazy and thinking you are a vampire!
Trix_Disorder 20
*you're What does make you crazy is the fact that you like the "books."
loloalltheway 23
Everyone has different tastes, millions of people like the series, are you calling all of them crazy as well?
HazzaBoo 3
You're my new fav person. Thx for the backup haha XD
Trix_Disorder 20
Yes? Thought that was evident. Not crazy "kill someone," just crazy-stupid. Love the "lots of people do it" argument. Original.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
What about crazy good? Don't forget the poptarts.
loloalltheway 23
You can think whatever you want btw the hating on twilight ain't that original as well, just saying.
Myo_fml 20
The print on the back of a pop tarts box would probably be a more intelligent writing than Failight.
HazzaBoo 3
I wasn't hating on Twilight...god. Now I'm pretty sure the whole Twilight fandom hates me! I wasn't hating, but usually guys don't read them?
Trix_Disorder 20
True. But cha don't need to be original to know it's bad literature. I've actually read the books. Don't think my hatred is unfounded. My philosophy is you have to try something to actually hate it.
Drigr 9
19 year old male. Read 3/4 of the twilight series before my gf and I broke up. They aren't as bad as everyone who hates them claims they are. I bet 90% of the people who hate on Twilight haven't even read the ******* books. Sure, its a sappy love story, and its not my favorite telling of the vampire myth, but its fairly well written for teenage audiences. The movies don't do the books justice either. Kristen Stewart is a horrible actress. Thought so in the Messsengers, Twilight, and Snow White and the Huntsman. Also, the first movie was done on such a low budget, I think some of the efects were done in like Sony Vegas.
loloalltheway 23
44- i think it is more of a personal taste, not a boy-girl thing.
loloalltheway 23
Nr.31 and nr.50 i meant
HazzaBoo 3
Ok I'm sorry if I upset anyone. Bye now.
Trix_Disorder 20
Maybe you have to have taste to realize how bad they are. The average teenager hasn't developed that yet, maybe.
Trix_Disorder 20
54 - I'm female. Looks like my profile's been reset.
loloalltheway 23
60- not only teenagers like the series, some middle aged women also like the series, they are a lot older then us "average teenagers" so according to you they should have developed "the proper taste" , right?
Trix_Disorder 20
I guess it's not the books that I hate, really. It's the disappointment and a bit of resentment at my generation and older for making such books popular, when there is so much good literature out there. C'est la vie. Edit: Where did I say that all people eventually have good taste?
AussieChild 22
I think twilight is well written. That being said, the storyline and characters suck. I'm not a fan. I just think the author is talented, and should put the skill toward a better and more believable plot.
luna2152 3
50- I have actually read the books, just to see what the hype was all about. I've also seen the first two movies. While I will agree with you that the books are marginally better than the movies, the books are still terrible. Which makes the movies like, terrible with sprinkles.
Zoh_Aubrey 8
Twilight is ******* horrid. If you like vampires and can read at a 5th grade level or higher read Anne Rice.
Trix_Disorder 20
70 - "The Host" was decent enough, for what it was. Many times better than Twilight, anyway. But I disagree that the Twilight series was well-written. What is a book without good characters and plot?
loloalltheway 23
Well 68, at 60 you said "haven't developed it YET" which means we will eventually have "the proper taste" according to you ... Sorry for calling you a man, it said mister on your profile....
Drigr 9
And yet... Look at how popular rap and pop has become... But hey, who am I to judge other peoples taste just because I personally dislike it? I dislike country too, but I respect people's opinions and their ability to listen to what they like, even if they don't feel the same about my music. I wont say I'm upset that my generation has made modern rap and pop as popular as it is, what does upset me about my generation is peoples intolerance for people who like things different from them.
skokob 7
Ok a real vampire story is Brim Stoker's Dracula!!!! Twilight is some sick bad comedy vampire!
Drigr 9
73, are the books horribly written, or do they just have shitty characters and plot? The level of detail and immersion into the story was actually pretty decent, storyline aside.
Trix_Disorder 20
I can recognize when country and rap is good. There is good country, and good rap, even if I don't like it. There is good literature, and bad literature. And yeah, I'm going to judge people based on their taste in literature, just as others judge based on taste in clothing, music, lifestyle choices, etc. That's MY personal preference. :P
Trix_Disorder 20
I don't know why you keep quoting "the proper taste." I never said that, just said taste. And next time, I'll try to be less brief to avoid confusion. But I wasn't trying to imply that all people eventually have good taste with age... that would be silly. Like I said, looks like my profile's been reset. Don't really take offence to gender confusion on the internet, bound to happen.
Drigr 9
80, vampires themselves are a myth, same with werewolves, there are so many different ways you can portray a myth whose main defining roles is "bloodsucker" and "transforms into a wolf." So theres really no "real" vampire books. And my mom would probably argue that... I believe the correct author is Brian Lumley... has the best vampire books
AussieChild 22
75- I mean that the author uses a broad range of imagery and descriptive detail in the books. However, the whole idea behind vampires, werewolves etc is a weak concept, and the characters were poorly thought up, without much background. I personally think that things worth reading are classics like Jane Austen, Little Women, or anything by Jodi Picoult. My point was that the author had a real opportunity to become something big, and yet chose to divulge into poor teen fantasy. I dislike twilight, but feel sorry for the author
Trix_Disorder 20
Yeah, "The Host" is another book by Meyers, which has actual characters and an interesting plot (even if it's sorta been done many times before). She's capable of better writing, that's for sure. I again disagree with you on the "okay writing" front. Once you've seen the same descriptive metaphors five times in the same chapter, or the same adjective three times on the same page... that's shoddy editor work AND bad/lazy writing. But yes, setting was certainly strongest out of the three (characters, plot, setting)/
MDTeddy 13
That boy has some issues. That was no reason to end a relationship. He might be single for a while until he finds a girl who thinks she is a vampire or at least into Twilight.
ShyAnn29 15
I like Twilight, I get headaches when I read, so I have the books on CD, it's fun to listen to, and the narrator has a great voice for Bella. When it first came out, I thought it sounded pretty dumb, but then I got book #2 on CD, and I loved it! So I say, just give it a try.
DerpyDerper 7
I agree with you 100%. I tried to read it, i really did. I remember I picked up a copy and I couldn't get past the first couple chapters. I think I read up to page 200 or so. I kept telling myself "It will get better." Nope.
laden_swallow09 35
AussieChild- Listen to yourself. You say Meyers has some talent, yet you turn around to say that the plot and characters suck. Those two elements to any story directly dictates just how talented an author is, which in this case is mediocre at best, insulting at worst.
laden_swallow09 35
Also, that "broad range of imagery and descriptive detail" comes directly from a thesaurus. Even then, she only uses "perfect" or "shiny silver Volvo" to the point when it's grating. If she could give some real imagination to her sentence structure, then maybe she could have a chance at being considered a competent writer.
letmehavemytea 21
I'm ashamed to admit that I read all of the books, just so I would know what it was about and why people hated it. The first books was actually...okay. I mean, it's still a horribly written book that doesn't deserve a fandom, but it was meh. It just got worse from there though. Piece of crap series, shouldn't have been turned into a movie as it made it even worse. I'll take Buffy over Bella any day.
SammyS2012 21
Okay, so the sparkling is weird, but that doesn't mean everything about the book is terrible. I actually enjoyed the book; I also like Marked and HP (my favourite), and Jane Austen's novels, and Wuthering Heights, and Maximum Ride and whatnot. So people who like Twilight don't necessarily have bad taste. Yes there are many flaws in the story with characters and plot, and definitely not my favourite, but to completely bash anyone who likes it is ridiculous (I have to admit many fans can ruin the series for some).
HairyPunisher 27
50, I disagree. I read the four books and I just find Meyers to be very sexist in her writing of Bella. she has no will power or esteem of her own and she lets Edward and Jake constantly boss her around. The stories hype marrying young, virginity being priceless, and letting men tell you what to do. I also didn't like the fact that her character development was stale. Buffy, Angel, True Blood, and The Vampire Diaries at least had some twists.
stary1722 6
I don't see why people are hating on people who are reading twilight.... I mean shouldn't you be happy that someone from my generation is actually reading a book? Lol XD
Zoh_Aubrey 8
81-Anne Rice's work is classic vampirism with a modern twist that is sexy, dark and nefarious. Also beautifully written with plot twists and heart-wrenching characters (Interview with the Vampire is the best) and of course no sparkly Mary and Gary Sues.
monocyte 4
Let The Right One In is the best vampire movie ever. Beautifully haunting.. It stays with you.
peachyFML 17
I actually enjoyed the Twilight Saga, but I was 7 or 8 at the time. The Host was better written, but not great by any means. I'm a big Laurell Hamilton fan, if any of you care for a bit of fantasy mixed in with reality. The main character is a bad-ass. Edit: The character I'm referring to is Anita in the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series.
ilovemusic0205 7
I don't understand why everyone is trying to analyze twilight. It was a book created for the teenage mind, not really the mind of an adult. You older folks on here can't really say it's terrible because it's not written with you in mind. I think it's a great young adult novel. What teenage girl doesn't like a sappy romance book?
asamir 11
I hate Twilight movies, but I adore Kristen Stewart.
DerpyDerper 7
227 "you older folks" oh gosh, girl. Um I made a comment about trying to read the book. I am a 14 year old girl & I love romance stories. I really do. The thing is though, when I read a romance, I usually want to read about something I would want or something I think is cute. Twilight is not cute. I also do NOT want a life like Bella. She seems so weak and emotional, it's annoying! Edward & Jacob are also complete jerks. The story has no fun in it & no real excitement. As well as trying to read the books, I've watched the movies with some of my friends. It was just...not something I would really like at all. So yea, this teenage girl did not like that kind of "romance" story.
ilovemusic0205 7
227- My comment was not in reference to everyone, in both the aspect of liking the book and the older folks comment. The book may not be your taste but that does not mean it was not good. Some girls out there are actually emotional and weak like Bella. I don't think Twilight was meant to be "cute".
paddy4169 5
Just because girls out there are "emotional and weak." Does not mean that the book is a great piece of literature set to go down in history. You said it yourself, people are able to relate to the settings that the characters are in, that's what makes the book so successful. What I actually came here to say was at the end of the day there is no point getting wrapped up in movies, and books until the point where you are dying just for a piece of Edward's hair. People should spend more time on other things like oh I don't know, having a life.
peachyFML 17
230- How can you adore Kristen Stewart? She is an atrocious actress. She has one facial expression and speaks without any emotion.
arduousRainbow 1
I read the series. It's alright, but I honestly like Anne Rice's work better. Lestat's a better vampire than Edward.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Guys, enough! We know twilight sucks, ok? Let's just stop before the replies go over the 60 mark.
Thatonechic1995 0
Thank you!
Agsnow 7
maybe he has decided to part with the girl,it needs the excuse
Tragichero92 12
But you forgot about the Nyan Cat :(
jarrettd 27
73. Anne rice is the best.
toelie 26
Good riddance.
featherygoose 9
*riddiance
Sinamoi 18
Nice Grammar Nazi fail.
olpally 33
52- number 2 is right. Grammar nazi fail on your part! Lmao... Way to go, genius.
MilkmanPsycho 7
Well that's a new way...tell your gf something so ridiculous she'll laugh so you can break up with her. Or at least that's what I think his was some original break up plan...or maybe he was just strange and I'm thinking to highly of him.
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah that BF is just a strange one. He doesn't sound the most stable.
CheesecakeTaco 3
Test him.... Stab him in the heart with a spoon. If he dies, means he was a liar.
BostonBear 33
I agree, op is better off finding someone else
Marifer98 7
I'm sorry to hear OP. :(
marmlr339 14
That is the most overused phrase on FML
olpally 33
53- along with, lol, yolo, your stupid, that sux, what a shitty situation, u mad, bro?, also:: doesn't matter, had sex, face-palm and other ridiculous jokes that are overused... Everyone needs to refrain from these stupid ass comments. This has been a public service announcement by Michael. Move along now.
mrnuleef 7
Lol
mrnuleef 7
Just kidding im just being a pain in the ass, but theres no reason to feel sorry for op. Just hope that her next bf doesnt say hes a werewolf.
Cartera 10
I honestly think that because the community is more thoughtful than funny, that by being compassionate and kind they will get auto-likes. Just my take on things.
SneezyC 15
Wow I didn't know you can hear this?? Hmm ... You must have super sonic hearing cause I'm pretty sure no body else can hear OP. Now, we can read it...
Trix_Disorder 20
"Your life sucks" takes on a whole new meaning with this FML.
GracesDelirium 9
*buh dum tisssssh*
TourettesGuyFTW 26
OP, I hope you're not feeling too drained by this whole ordeal.
icrest80 4
But what if he was really a vampire?
nevereyes 31
185, real vampires don't like to call them selves vampires lol.
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah they like to hide out in public and be all secretive. Oh and the fact they don't exist is another thing.
krysxkatastrophe 14
Sounds like it's time for someone to check in to the Happy Hut. I'm sure that these institutions now have a vampire ward.
MaryPoppins88 14
Lol I wouldn't be surprised if they do
Acaprice14 9
Just like Kristen Stewart , she's now single. (:
BulldogHoops 14
Well, just keep some garlic handy. You know, just in case.
emilytdl 2
And always stay in the sun because he sparkles. :)
lottievaughn 5
Yeah good thing she got outta there before he sucked her blood! ;)
Myo_fml 20
Just pathetic -sighs- . What is our world coming to. If the world ends this year, it will have been Meyer's fault.
alwaysbored13 14
Is the merchant that sells shit the one to blame, or the idiots worshipping it ?
LO388 7
Both.
SmittyJA24 26
1) Ok, he was your BF... you were single (legally) then & still are now. 2) you're much better off without that idiot. Yeah: Your life does suck if you'd rather be in a relationship with someone like him.
fishface517 10
"never mind I'd find somebody like youuuuu"
lidsthesquid 4
You forgot the part where she loses someone she loves
Astubbs1 5
He's a dumbass and doesn't deserve you with immaturity at that level
enormouselephant 15
I'm hoping it's 'happily single'.