Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML
Today, I told my ex I was going to bed after a few drinks, and she ended up fucking my brother while I was asleep. What an awakening to hear. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML
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Top comments
Metzler31 17
hahaha old lady ftw!
jpallan 3
Actually, I wouldn't worry too much about it. As Saturday Night Live memorably put it in their sketch, "Cougar Den", "I'll pay you, and this won't get messy." I'm not exactly how to put this respectfully, but anyone who is twice your age — and I'm assuming you're at least 16 — probably does not want a boyfriend half her age. She may want another shag or three, but she'd probably be more embarrassed by a public liasion than you. Really.
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Comments (120)
sleekRelease 0
YDI. Don't drink. Idiot.
ryan_mcgrath1 0
just do her again and get off as fast as you can
KoochieCrusader 0
fuh fuh fuh failure.
seanreddog 4
fuh fuh fuh ******
ImaginaryFoe 1
Agree with #1. You obviously can't handle drinking. Also, great job assuming she wants a relationship with you. She'll probably wake up wondering how to get away from the pimply-faced little slacker without ending up with a harrassment suit.
iAmPaul 49
this sounds fake it sounds like hedley's "don't talk to strangers" song and music video.
spaghetti542 0
This happened to me once, except that when we woke up she said to me, "can you drive me home before my boyfriend drops off my kids?" so it was more of a win.
ericownz101 0
fuh fuh fuh faggit
AziraLevana 2
#1: Agreed. If you can't drink responsibly, you shouldn't drink at all. Unfortunately, people who are irresponsible with their drinking don't just cause themselves problems - they often hurt and/or harm others, too. I should know. I'm a non-drinker, but drunk drivers left me disabled.
theswag 0
tri tri tri tribal fuh fuh fuh failure.
AznWaffle8 0
fuh fuh fuh failure fuh fuh fuh failure fuh fuh fuh failure C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
clanceyrocks11 0
ahhaahha that might have made my day! :)
Alina_86 0
Can't to hear how they handle it in "Soviet Russia".
bhangu023 0
hehe lol let me try;) in soveit Russia women wakes up to you or in so soveit Monday works you
iSitt 0
wait till after the recession is over to dump her
the_pan1c 5
LOL at 18 :P
habeeboburky94 0
yht
ReyEr9412 0
In Soviet Russia, Uranium enriches you!
supraman_fml 0
Zom Zom Zom Zombie thinks tattoo boy should change a pic... an OP, your a tool dude... she will not want a "relationship". and what are you doing? lying next to her posting on FML? ... Dumbass
sourgirl101 29
24 Imaginaryfoe, I truely love love love all of your comments you post. You always seem to think outside of the box.
luckygirl9479 0
theswag, I love the pic.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Words of advice: Don't get drunk
ScaryyMary 14
littlered, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but is your blog for real? You sound like a stalker...
massagenist 0
age does not matter if shes naturally good looking without any surgery like demi moore.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Sourgirl, I blushed. Thank you.
u_killed_kenny_ 0
you should say it was the V8 you had
luis420 0
^fail
Fodace 4
#15 sexy as ****!!!
holleymoffat 0
that was my first thought .
killerviral 0
hey at least you got laid
Ronikaa 0
hahah. I agree (;
WardFML 0
68- obviously you aren't aware of the google trend tosh.0 started last year. If you google 'demi Moore bush' you won't think of her that way again
sharpl916 0
Yeah. when I HAVE to, I just pretend drunk and act funny until things settle down a bit with everyone drunk. Drinking till your drunk is never a good idea. It does help you forget things but you know that's just running away..... Beer pong FTW!!
PatRme 9
omg 6666 ydi's!
pokerface5 0
would u suck my dick? I think you're hot !!!
Ghostalker 0
Like you had the power there... cougars are called cougars because they're predators
LonelyLoser42 0
Yeger!
BeachPanda 0
how about " i was drunk, im not into wrinkles?"
druggielove 0
first first first
romskiies 0
fail fail fail
afatmonkey 0
Ooh! I want to play! Orgasmic butt-monkey! Orgasmic butt-monkey! Orgasmic butt-monkey! Did I win?
ImaginaryFoe 1
yes yes yes
seanreddog 4
no no no
druggielove 0
second second second
cookie_monster2 0
moo moo moo
supraman_fml 0
Zombie Zombie Zombie
slipknot262318 0
Shutup! Shutup! Shutup! (I have voices in my head...)
rawrtastyc 0
It's à little late but, oink oink oink.
knibbsy 4
badger badger badger
Fodace 4
crayons crayons crayons
Trent14 0
****** ****** ******
sharpl916 0
chococucumbermelonmustardbread chococucumbermelonmustardbread chococucumbermelonmustardbread(it's my favorite to make!)
Sassybq1 13
Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! OH YEEEEEEEEA!
loganberrybat 11
Not not not!!! Sad sad sad
klovemachine 24
lol lol lol
Metzler31 17
hahaha old lady ftw!
alr158 18
Andrea, was that with you?
shruikono 0
ydi noych
JoeMamas 0
I hope she was married. They're the best:)
maryjaneslover7 0
go shoot up some herion queer its all about maryjane
jpallan 3
Actually, I wouldn't worry too much about it. As Saturday Night Live memorably put it in their sketch, "Cougar Den", "I'll pay you, and this won't get messy." I'm not exactly how to put this respectfully, but anyone who is twice your age — and I'm assuming you're at least 16 — probably does not want a boyfriend half her age. She may want another shag or three, but she'd probably be more embarrassed by a public liasion than you. Really.
time4coffee 3
Congrats you're a boy toy!!! If she's twice you're age, she is NOT thinking of it as a relationship. She's not interested in you for the long haul. Get over yourself.
1LL337 0
YDI for posting a stupid FML. Pretty sure any straight male 30 and younger wouldn't mind being cougar prey, especially the no strings flings kind.
Katee0_o 6
stop being such a baby and tell her the truth.
sharmainelightbo 0
Quit you're job. She'll get the point.