Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said, "Not in a million years, fat ass!" before I could say it was from someone else. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML
Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend that said, "I love you." Thinking this meant he'd changed his mind about breaking up with me less than 24 hours before, I replied back excitedly. Turns out that was a text sent last weekend that didn't go through until now. What great timing. FML
Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me, talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "So… does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML
Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. She decided that her "gift to herself" would be to leave the loser who has been holding her back for two years. Hello, my name is Ben, and I'm that loser. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, a girl in my class introduced herself to me for the fourth time this semester. Am I really that invisible? FML
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Top comments
Astraea 0
oh that sucks really. Im sorry for you you should have punched her in the face.
jayjaysmokerson 0
you should have told that bitch to suck it.
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Comments (144)
ThatOneAdamKid24 0
look at the bright side, maybe you have a shot in a million and one years
K0RRuPT 0
Should've said, "I wonder if you can even count till one million with that dead brain of yours.You aren't lucky enough to be asked out by me."
blaaaaakely 0
girls can be so cruel :(
ImaginaryFoe 1
Ha! #63 wins. And thank you for the permission, blake. I'm off to be cruel now and I'll refer anyone who gives me s*** to you! ;)
erjaguam 0
wow she really flattered herself. so did you tell her it wasn't from you?
redbluegreen 41
Pocket Pikachu's would be so handy for a time like this...
lilubird 0
hahahahahaha! adorable. :)
popatia 0
Win :)
daaaniel 0
loool
lilubird 0
I just don't know about you snickerdicker *sigh*
spicayyy 0
how are you gonna say you're not gonna pass judgement when you just clearly did? psycho ass. you're the rude bitch here. he's not fat, just thick boned.
Emrysa 1
That's when you say: "It's not from me, I don't pork chicks with a VD, I've got standards. "
sexy_cali_girl 0
nd thats a super ficial bitch (sorry cant spell :P) i hate girls like that! the best guys are the usually the ones that people over look for things like acne and weight...stupid
lilubird 0
well I wouldn't go as far to say that. health is a huge contributing factor to attractiveness.
sexy_cali_girl 0
jus because sum1s big doesnt mean theyre unhealthy thoe
ThatOneAdamKid24 0
sometimes they're just big because of heredity. many people choose their unhealthy lifestyles and eat fattening foods and have lack of exercise, but many are also just born big and have slow metabolisms and retain a lot of the fat they eat, rather than processing it. and it's difficult for them to lose weight.
lilubird 0
though. or hoe?
retep26 0
what a bitch! dude next time... *facepalm*